Planning Ahead

It's kind of chilly today. I finally feel like there's actually going to be a fall season. I have my heated rug on with my shoes off and about to go get some coffee to warm up. It's cold.

All of the entries in the blog have been centered around my thoughts and such, but none of them recently have told you what's really going on with me. Don't get geeked because it's not much at all. But I've found that most times, the things that I'm feeling that really irk the ish out of me are left out of this blog. That's no fun!

So....we're getting a new boss lady in November. I heard some real shady stuff is going on, too. Whoever they decide on, get her in here so I can find her angle and work a raise for the next fiscal year. I need to get paid! Of course, I can tell that even though my program is booming (I'll be on the news tonight-ick!), my days are numbered. Just a feeling I have.

I went to the Social Security Administration website and they have increased the age of retirement to 67 if you are born in 1960-. Great! That means I have 40 more years to work. At this rate, I won't survive to cash out what little 401k funds I'll have. All this time to work..that's some bullshit! Forreal!

So that means, I need to start now, thinking about how I can do what I WANT to do. Because this ain't it. I love the job. I do it well enough. But people's money problems suck! What it does for me though that's great is make me so greatful to God that (atleast right now) I don't have to struggle and I can pay my bills and not stress. I'm blessed and I know that. God's got me either way.

It also makes me marvel at how people can get by on little or nothing. No one is exempt from some type of struggle, so listening to people's issues make me plan ahead. I know I wouldn't know what or how to feel until it happened to me. Often I think, what if I lost my job? How would I make it? This is not a pessimist way of thinking because I know God will provide. However, I do believe that He gives us common sense so when we have struggles, we can I have a plan to move forward. I have one loosely worked out in my head. Let's see if it makes sense...

Adjunct teach 2-3 classes for a semester (granted I'm able to contact them in time and assuming I didn't lose my job in the middle of the semester)
-$1,299 net/month

Work a part-time job in retail (again)
-$250/wk=$1,000/month

Continue freelance writing jobs (not consistent)
-$50-$200

-Apply to substitute teach in city or county school
2-3 times a week at $75/day=$800/month

Either move back home or cut all cable, extras, beauty shop appointments
-less $200-$250

Tap out my savings
-should cover about two months of basic expenses

Keep in mind that this is only a plan. As the saying goes, "Man plans, God laughs."

Dream Analysis

It's a little after 3 p.m. and just 20 minutes ago I felt like my day was almost over. I was so wrong. I was hoping when I returned to my office that it would be atleast 3:45. No such luck. Suddenly I'm sleepy as hell and I think I know why.

Dreams.

I keep having the craziest dreams. For about two weeks now, every other, if not every night, my dreams are causing my sleep to be...not effective. Last night I dreamed that I went to a club, but it was really like a dormitory. The bad part was it was run by a slew of racist white people. They were luring blacks in and holding them hostage. Torturing them, etc. Oddly enough, the "warden" was the guy, Cartwright, from The Family That Preys (I thought he was pretty hot--not anymore). I'm sure he was in it because he played the leading Skinhead in Higher Learning (don't ask me how I remember that). Anyway, I was trying to escape out the window, cutting the screens out with a Swiss Army knife. When I jumped out of the window, I realized we were in a compound and couldn't get out. All around the outside perimeter were black men tied up and hanging.

It was THE worst dream ever. I woke up at 5:19 a.m. and walked around. Then I just laid there. I don't know why that dream was so alarming (besides the obvious). What did it mean?

I am tense all in the shoulders. I don't know what's going on, but sleep, which I could always count on to be pleasureable, isn't anymore.

Damn.

Don't Wear Obama Paraphanelia to the Polls! You will be turned around! (From the B Life)

I know you love your "Barack the Vote" sweatshirt, but please DO NOT wear any sort of Obama 'nalia (t-shirt, pins, hats, etc. etc.) to the polls when voting on election day. It's news to me, but apparently anyone with this type of gear is considered to be campaigning, and therefore not allowed x-feet from the polls.
This year, with all the OBAMA excitement and hype, they're assuming that people are UNAWARE of this law and will send them home, with the hope that they won't make it back out to vote. "It's just one vote, right?" - WRONG. Don't be the one!

Follow the rules. Wear regular clothing! No signs or literature either!

I Find It Quite Funny

It's funny how this entire bail-out/McCain/debate is panning out. What is McCain thinking, suspending his campaign to "save" the country in the bail-out?? You don't suspend a campaign 40 days before the election.



As Dave Letterman (who I don't watch often unless a worthy guest is on) said, bring in your second-string quarterback (that would be the Palin chick) and run the campaign. That would be the obvious thing to do, correct?

Not showing up for the debate will only make Obama shine like the star that he is. Of course, there will still be millions of people who will continue to applaud McCain for his commitment to his country! Bullshit. Straight up and down bullshit. What can he, a senator who has a piss-poor track record on some of the most votes ever, do to bring out country back to a sound economic status?

I'm convinced that he called ole' George up yesterday and asked him to reel Obama in since he wasn't trying to hear that debate delay mess. You should see the fanfare in Oxford! (It's only 45 minutes away, so we get and do all of the coverage in Memphis.) People have really pulled out all of the stops. Five million dollars invested in this debate, which Ole Miss (the host) has been planning for an entire year.

McCain...you're such a let-down. Not like I didn't already think that in the first place. But now, it's crystal clear.

This will most definitely be in the history books.

Ray Ray and 'Nem

Today I'm sitting her on Imeem and Limewire (shhhh!!) trying to find Raphael Saadiq's Scream remix. You know, the one that was on one of my favorite movies, Motives. Hot!

It's a must that pick up Ray Ray's new CD. I finally caught his Soul Stage performance on VHI Soul and I'm in love. It all sounds like old Motown! Then when he went back and did a mix of Tony, Toni, Tone songs, it was a wrap for me. Dude is crazy talented. Not like I didn't already know that, but sometimes it takes a concert to bring the obvious to the forefront.

For example, in 2004, Usher was in concert with somebody else. I don't even know which of the two was the headliner, but I bought tickets anyway. I don't think I'd been mesmerized by Confessions yet, but I just knew that Usher would blow chunks. Clearly, I was up on my feet singing along and dancing. I was a certified fan and didn't even realize it.

So back to Raphael. Yeah, he's that ish! And on Tuesday, I'll get his new album and Jazmine Sullivan.

Give Me My Space

Okay, so you know it's not often that I blog from home, so I must really be in a zone. You're right. Let me tell you what I have done today.

I woke up.
I cooked breakfast.
I cleaned the house.
Took a bath.
Went to my grandmother's house with my mother for about an hour.
Came back home and watched the Martin marathon.

That's it. And that's was so damn great to me.

My mama asked me was I depressed or was I "about to come on my period" or did I just not feel like being bothered.

I'll take your last option for $500, please!

The aggravation.

I think people, especially parents, think you are exempt from being tired or wanting to be alone. The last time I told somebody I enjoy being by myself, he turned straight Dr. Phil on me and thought I should try getting out and meeting more people. Believe me, I damn near know everybody and for most of my life, I have been the Everything Girl. I go to everything, do everything, try to bring everyone and everything together. It's time out for that for a minute.

Why does it have to be something wrong with me just because I want to sit in my house all day? I did my weekly duties: church, work, cleaning, paying bills, checking on my grandmother (church and Granny are things I actually want to do). I think I deserve a break, don't you? Every weekend for two months, I have been running. Granted, a lot of it was my own doing--strictly voluntary, but so what? This weekend I decided was MY weekend. Next week will be a BEAST for me, so I need to re-up.

And that's just what I'm gon' do. (Off to watch ANOTHER episode of Martin)

Getting Over the Racial Hump

Let me tell you something.

All men are the same. Alllll men across racial and cultural lines. I don't mean the same in personality or action, but in these lame ass tactics of trying to holler or flirt.

The Indian, whom I will call Taj because I wouldn't want him referring to me as The Black Chick to his friends, is really trying to get it in before he leaves the city.

We'd been playing phone tag since we went out, so finally we caught up with each other. Saying in my Martin voice, "He's a willllddd boy!" He has very much shed his traditional Indian ways, as he loves to club and frequent strip clubs. Also, he's so not "long-term relationship material." Thanks for putting that out there, Buddy.

He wanted to "play a game" over the phone. My brain, of course, went straight to the gutter immediately. I was thinking, "Dude, I can't have phone sex with you! I don't even know you like that!" LOL

He wanted to play Questions. You know, the game where you ask questions back and forth, yada yada. Yeah, that one.

I HATE that game. Could it be because I hate answering questions? He wanted to ask 10 questions each, but I said hell to the naw. Let's drop it down to five.

His questions were as follows:

What's the wildest thing I've ever done?
What flips my switch? (I asked him to expound on that one.)
What turns me on?

Yeah. I shut that down quick. You need to know that information because what?

I can't lie. I'm already apprehensive about answering questions, especially when I barely know the person. The fact that he is not Black was bothering me. Don't ask me why. It's really stupid, but it's the way I feel. People are people and I know I just said that he is just like alot of men I've come across. He tried one of the oldest tricks in the book played by men to "get to know" a woman. He would like to hit and I can see right through him.

The fact still remains that he ain't Black. Would I feel the same if it were a white guy?

He wants to hang out this weekend. I don't know.

Nostalgia

As the season is changing from summer to fall, there's a special feeling in the air. For me anyway. Have you ever gotten the exact same feeling you did years ago just from walking outside or seeing the sun shine bright, smelling the air or seeing the moon glow? As I was walking around the house today, I got that feeling. I'm not sure what it reminded me of though.

I'm thinking about five years ago, walking to class on LSU's campus (even though I didn't like it, I eventually got used to it). I remember thinking that the sky was so clear and after class I could do whatever I wanted to do. That's until I went to the Bullseye (Target) later that night. Back then I just knew that there had to be something better for me. Working two jobs (the second was voluntary), going to school full-time at a school I didn't even like was not what I thought I'd be doing. But it was a choice I made. That particular year was one of the best in my life. Contrarily, I felt trapped, but at that very moment, smelling that clean air and gazing at that blue sky, I felt free.

Today, like that day then, is a beautiful day.

Just Sitting Here

What up?

I have class in about two hours and as usual, I couldn't be more tired. It's more of a sinus, I need some sleep kind of tired.

As of today, I no longer have an office roommate. It's just me, myself and I in here. It feels good. It also feels kind of weird. Oddly enough, I'd gotten used to her loud complaining, constant questions and extra loud personal conversations with her daughters and accountants. I learned to drown it out.

What is especially good is that no one is in here. Get it? I'm alone. I like it that way. I sound like a weirdo, but that's how I feel. I work at my own pace, and I do what I want to do. I had a long talk with my Mama and she suggested that I work for myself because I don't do well in a structured work setting. I do well. I just don't like it. And I don't know of many people who do.

I asked her did she think just because you're good at something, you should be passionate about it. Absolutely not was her answer. I agree. I really like my job. I'm pretty good at it. But all in all, I could care less. Let me rephrase that...it's just a job. I'm a realist/dreamer so I know that most people work to get a check. Period. But I think I need more. I should not get bored with jobs so quickly. I need passion. (In ALL areas of life, but that's another story for another time.)

In Tyler Perry's A Family That Preys, the character asked this:

Are you living or just existing?

Deep like the ocean, huh? I know.

I want to live.

I called some friends from college this weekend to check on them one of them told me, "You know what you want to do. Why don't you take a couple of weeks off and go to the place where you can make it happen?"

Tell me something I don't know.

Then he said, "You can't be scared."

Most definitely food for thought.

And that's why I was supposed to call them.

I Need An Upgrade

The other day I was looking at some old pictures from my senior year of undergrad and first year of grad school. How is it possible that I kept myself up better then when I didn't have a "real" job than I do now with one? My hair was always done (I did it myself--weekly! Only God knows how I did that.) and I had bi-weekly manicure and pedicure appointments. Let's not forget going to the little Asian store to get my eyebrows waxed!

These days, I feel like I'm looking and feeling a mess. I've come to the conclusion that my bi-weekly hair appointments are not enough. This hair gets dirty and oily QUICK. Ick! Right now, it's in a ponytail and I don't do those that often. I don't even think I had a pedicure all summer. For shame! And I'm so damn tired these days, you could tote your luggage under my eyes, fasho.

So, I feel like treating myself. Where's my energy? I'm so lackluster these days. A close friend of mine says I'm not "me" or "Alisha" anymore. I disagree wholeheartedly, but there are a few things that could change. For example:

Exercise: Simply put, I don't. At all. I don't even know where the excercise room in my apartment complex is! I probably haven't worked out forreal since I had my membership to the French Rivera in 2004. Damn shame.

Eating Right (or atleast better): My meals that I prepare at home (when I do) consist of pasta. Something with noodles and a little meat and cheese and occaisionally, some spinach. That's about it. A pork chop here and there and even though I always buy veggies when I shop, rarely, do I cook them. THIS IS A MAJOR PROBLEM. But we already knew that. They say admitting is the first step to recovery.

Sleep: If you know me, you know that this one of my favorite past times, besides writing and watching Martin. It seems that when I sleep longer, I end up more tired the next day. I don't know how to stop that. Everyday I feel like somebody bitch-slapped me.

Running Myself Ragged: This is what my life is made of. If you've noticed (probably not), this summer I have been on the go. Here and there and I rarely take the time I need to fully recover before I'm back to doing something else. Work is becoming more demanding and it requires a LOT of energy on my part. It sounds easy, but it's not at all. I am a firm believer in sitting on my ass for long periods of time to chill, but after awhile, I think I need to be up doing something. Then the cycle starts all over again.

So, as you can see, I have some work to do. I forgot to mention that I got my first full-body massage last weekend. (sigh) It was so relaxing. Clearly, an hour is not long enough. I need to figure out a way to include that in my budget.

Have a great weekend!

The Unknown

Hey Kids!

Not too much going on here. I'm ready to go home already and I have a gang of things to do after work. I don't expect to get home before 7:30 or 8 p.m. Ugh! And I have to clean up. Gotta love being an adult!

I didn't tell you, but I ventured into The Unknown last week.

I went out on a date with someone outside of my race. I know, I know. That's sounds so backwoods, uncultured, whatever. I know that in more metropolitan cities (i.e., New York), interracial dating (or hanging out, in this case) is nothing. I have my own opinions about it. My take on it is "do whatcha do", but I don't think it's for me.

I've always dated Black men, though I thought a few white guys were hot. If my ex co-worker wasn't married with TWO kids, I'd date him in a minute (country, Arkansas-bred, dirt truck driving, white boy and all!) The hot factor does not discriminate, so neither should I, I guess. No, I am not one of these bitter Black women who has given up on my men. I just thought I'd try it out.

I met this guy on the plane to New York. He's Indian. As in, from India originally. (My male co-worker said, "Indians need some ass, too!) He seemed to be quite talkative. Normally, I want my plane neighbor to shut the hell up and let me either sleep or listen to my music. Surprisingly, he was pretty cool. Nice lil swagger (from what I could tell). He even let me watch Superbad with him until his computer died. The movie was hilarious, by the way. And I know I'm so late on that!

Turns out, he lives in the NY area, but is on contract, doing work for our cable company. He's been here for a few months. Just as we were about to part ways, he asked me for my number so we could hang out when he comes back from NJ. I thought it was okay to do that.

To my surprise when I returned home, he called me. We went to the movies the next day (before I left for Nashville). It was cool. A good movie. A cool guy. Chill.

It was odd for me a little and there was some hesitation on my part to go out. A young Black couple at the movie couldn't stop staring at us. Paranoia on my part? Hell no. This dude was downright staring us in the face with no shame. Even turned around and looked back at us as we were walking out of theater. So this is how it feels, I thought.

He's made it clear that he's interested in more than just hanging out. I've already received an invite to the house and cute little text messages while I was out of town. I don't think I'm ready for all that. As soon as I drove out of the theater parking lot (because you know I drove my own car), I thought, "Umph, ain't nothin' like a Black man."

Stay tuned.

Today is Friday

Today I don't feel so good. This morning I get up and drive to work and I have a splitting headache. It's sinus, I know. Ugh. It's unseasonably cool outside even in September. I have a sneaky suspicison that SHE is on her way to visit me this month. My ex co-worker calls her period "Keisha the Bitch". I think that's hilarious. Maybe I"ll call mine "Bertha the Beast".

I have a half-day since I worked last night. I was really excited about it because it's only a few hours, but I be damned if it's not taking an eternity for 12:30 to come. I swear the clock on this computer has not changed since 30 minutes ago.

Anyway, I'm going to Nashville tonight for the John Merritt Classic. Tennessee State will play my beloved Southern University. It's going to be different since Gustav came through and shook Louisiana up. Half of Baton Rouge and the majority of New Orleans still don't have electricity. It's crazy. I don't expect a big turn-out, but those Jags like to travel regardless. Anyway, hopefully, I'll have a good time.

THEN, I will sit still for a minute. Until Homecoming the next month.

Have a great weekend!

The Big Apple

Gina, Martin ain't thinkin' bout you. So I what I think you should do is pack your little Hefty bag and head off to the Big Apple, Big Apple!

-Sheneneh

I haven't posted in a while because I've been on vacation in New York City. Yep, it was my first time there, so that's one city checked off of the list of Places to Visit Before Age 30. (Why do I sound like life ends at 30? I hear it BEGINS!) Anyway, I was excited to see what the Big Apple had to offer. How did people really live? Were people from "up North" rude and nasty? Would I run into any celebrities? Where is the Time Warner Building???

Wellll, I arrived in the city at about 11 a.m. I put my bags down at the hotel (which was a GREAT spot that was NOT in Times Square, btw) and walked across Park Avenue to one of a million Starbuck's in NYC. Like an idiot, I forgot my notebook and I have not cultivated the patience to write long entries on my Blackberry yet, so I settled for the blank back side of printed boarding pass. Here's what I wrote:

8/28/08

12:28 p.m. (ET)

So, I'm in NYC. As I rode through Lincoln Tunnel, reading A Belle in Brooklyn on my Blackberry, I thought "so this is the Big City, huh?" The streets are cramped, the drivers are aggressive and building are tall. Taller than the ones in Memphis, for sure.

But things aren't that different (yet). There a Starbuck's right across the street from the hotel. It's packed with business-types, cool kids and students peering at their Mac laptop screens. The guy who just made my tall Caramel Frappacino (with extra caramel) is now at lunch. He is gathered at a table with his mom and little brother (I assume), eating a Popeye's chicken dinner.

Some things are universal, I see!

It's Day 1, hour 2 of my first visit to Gotham City. Let's see what else happens. I wonder where that Popeye's is though....