Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Monday, October 26, 2009

Another One Bites The Dust

I was reading Belle today, as I often do. Her latest post is in reference to a story in Essence, "Dating Like A White Girl." I totally agree with going out on dates with all kinds of men---even those who aren't in your "circle". The valet guy, the one who works a regular 9-5, the guy who didn't attend college to get into the habit of dating (because it is an art). It's a date, a few hours (if you're lucky, several hours) of your time to get to know a person in a public setting. A date--not an instant relationship. I've looked at dates as the latter for a long time. Foolish, indeed. How ironic that recently I decided to step out of my comfort zone and try to get something going with two different guys. Both showed interest.

Here's the issue: Both guys showed interest, but interest in what exactly? I finally get past critiquing every little thing about a man, from misspellings in text messages to his speech and then he hits me with the non-date date: Let's kick it at the house. My answer: Hell no.

I have principles and while I know principles will sometimes leave you alone and miserable, I can't let this one go. First dates will never be at my or his house. This is not college, so the freshmen approach is over. Let's do better. If I've only had one brief conversation with you and a few midday texts, what makes you think I want to be alone with you? Why do you want to be alone with me? I've got an answer! Maybe to see how far you can go?

That's it. The male BFF told me (as if it were a shock to me) that men will only take as far it as they want to go with a woman. If he wants to get to know you, he'll propose a real date (which doesn't have to be a ritzy, expensive outing, btw). If he wants sex, he'll propose kicking it at the house.

So that leaves me back at Square 1--nowhere. Maybe I'm just jaded. It could be that some guys really do have intentions to hang out and just chill. BUT, I know what my gut tells me and I've finally become mature enough to listen. So, as it stands the score is Men: 2 Me: 0. It just has to get better than this.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Sweet Dream Or A Beautiful Nightmare

When I woke up this morning, I was overjoyed to find myself in my bed, in my bedroom, in my house---back to reality. If you didn't know, I can sometimes have VERY vivid dreams. This dream? Vivid and scary all at the same time, but I have a couple of theories about why this happened.

The Dream: I had a baby. Calm down. I know this is a common dream. Every woman in her lifetime has probably had a dream about having a baby or being pregnant. Me, included! This time, I could really feel emotions though. I was holding this little bitty girl, wrapped up in blankets. I was just gazing at her. I was in love. I'd asked a friend of mine to hold her, only to go get another baby. A little boy. A small toddler. What the hell? I had two kids???

The icing on the cake was this: once the "afterglow" passed, I became frantic. I was screaming, "I have two kids! How did this happen?" I didn't know either. It was if someone had dropped them off to me, but yet I still had them. It's was definitely a weird one.

Two reasons for this sweet dream/nightmare: (1) A dream about a baby is supposed to represent new beginnings. Remember my theory about getting some communications duties at the job? I'm having a meeting with my supervisor in about an hour. Maybe that's it! Hopefully. (2) I had a phone conversation with a new guy last night and he kept asking me if I had children. I told him no and he still asked me. It was as if I was lying to him. Then he asked me did I want kids. As if I don't plan on having one just because I'm 28 and childless. When I told him I would like to be married first, he just made this funny noise like, "Humph." That's saying a lot about our society (no disrespect for single/unwed mothers--I come from one!) or either about his ways of thinking.

So, I'd given all of reasons for not having children and maybe that's why that dream showcased itself last night. I'll let you know how this other theory checks out in a minute.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Random Thoughts

So, I'm sitting here. That's it. Just sitting here. I've had many, many days where I've been bored to tears at my job, but this right here---this ish right here--takes the cake. My supervisor is gone and I guess I should be grateful (who really likes when their boss is at work?), but I have nothing to do. Literally. Nothing. I've uploaded all of my pics onto Facebook, checked all of my daily blogs, read the local newspaper and still....nothing.

I just know my life has more purpose than this. I know it. There's something I should be doing, but of course, my clueless ass is coming up with nothing. I want to write--something. It doesn't even have to be for publication. But what about? This is a time where people who have drive are making ways for themselves. Knocking down doors that were never meant to be open. What the hell am I doing? Am I still considered as having a "Quarterlife Crisis" at 28? *If not, remind me to change the name of this blog.

The light at the end of the tunnel is one of my co-workers put her two-week notice in. I have a feeling since my sups know I'm over here skating for my check, they're going to give me some of her communications responsibilities. They can keep that development stuff. I don't fundraise, I write.

In other news, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. I had a blast! I'm so thankful that I had a great high school experience because I realize that everyone did not. I will say this though: It's a shame that 10 years later, when you bring a group of people together, it's like high school all over again. The "in" crowd versus the "other" people. It's not a good look. Just proof that adults really never grow up. Could it be that we as tax-paying, homeowning folks are really just teenagers playing "dress-up"?