This Ish Is for the Birds
So clearly I'm still going through this phase of mine. Today I went out to find a cute white shirt to jazz up a black pencil skirt I have. An associate of mine was having a surprise birthday party tonight. Needless to say, I never found that snazzy white shirt, nor did I go to the party. At the last minute I decided I didn't feel like going. I opted for watching The Devil Wears Prada, instead. Such a shame. But please believe the movie was quite entertaining.
This is what has been happening every weekend for months now. Is it the season, the cold weather? Don't let March fool you. The hawk is still out. He met me at my car this afternoon.
Anyway, something is not quite right with this whole scenario. My mama said I was "growing up" and can't do it like I used to. WHATEVER. Not trying to hear that. I'm still a graceful social butterfly.
To top that off, I'm having the most conflicting feelings about a certain someone that I just can't understand. I can admit (to you, not to him) that I want him in some kind of twisted way. But something is holding me back. I realized that that barrier is ME. It's one thing to pick up the phone, dial the number halfway and then hang up (don't act like you haven't done it.) It's another thing to actually call and then have absolutely nothing to say. Better yet, have something to say, but hold it in. Because your mind can't wrap around a relationship changing so quickly. From buddies, homies, "just cool" to that "other relationship." More than friends. Even if you know that the feelings will be reciprocated the way you want them to....it's still weird as all get out.
The last thing is this: the calling just to talk to me during the day, the constant communication, jokes after 1 a.m. Because you KNOW I'm a sucker for the laughs, just being you...how long will that last? Will you disappear into thin air again? In the past I could brush it off, but for some reason this time is different. To my readers, no this is not Runaway Love. See a pattern? Anyway, things will come together sooner or later. For now, I guess I'll watch Prime. I'm really into Meryl Streep these days.
This is what has been happening every weekend for months now. Is it the season, the cold weather? Don't let March fool you. The hawk is still out. He met me at my car this afternoon.
Anyway, something is not quite right with this whole scenario. My mama said I was "growing up" and can't do it like I used to. WHATEVER. Not trying to hear that. I'm still a graceful social butterfly.
To top that off, I'm having the most conflicting feelings about a certain someone that I just can't understand. I can admit (to you, not to him) that I want him in some kind of twisted way. But something is holding me back. I realized that that barrier is ME. It's one thing to pick up the phone, dial the number halfway and then hang up (don't act like you haven't done it.) It's another thing to actually call and then have absolutely nothing to say. Better yet, have something to say, but hold it in. Because your mind can't wrap around a relationship changing so quickly. From buddies, homies, "just cool" to that "other relationship." More than friends. Even if you know that the feelings will be reciprocated the way you want them to....it's still weird as all get out.
The last thing is this: the calling just to talk to me during the day, the constant communication, jokes after 1 a.m. Because you KNOW I'm a sucker for the laughs, just being you...how long will that last? Will you disappear into thin air again? In the past I could brush it off, but for some reason this time is different. To my readers, no this is not Runaway Love. See a pattern? Anyway, things will come together sooner or later. For now, I guess I'll watch Prime. I'm really into Meryl Streep these days.
posted by Southern_Lady @ 8:00 PM
2 Comments:
At March 4, 2007 at 3:19:00 PM PST,
Black Girl Interrupted said…
It sounds like your priorities are shifting a little. Maybe its not as important anymore to go out every single weekend. I'm experiencing the same thing right now...I haven't gone out in six weeks. Sometimes a night in or a nice dinner is more fulfilling than a night out on the town.
Oh, and good luck on the situation with the certain someone. I hope you get to the point where you can reconcile your feelings toward him and the situation.
At March 5, 2007 at 5:30:00 PM PST,
Southern_Lady said…
Thanks for the comments. I'll get over ALL of this eventualy. Sooner than later, I hope!
Post a Comment
<< Home