Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

When a Woman's Fed Up: Bringing Children Into the Hurt

"Christian's got two beautiful sisters. He ain't thinking about that other one, trust me when I tell you. And I don't play that. That situation is over there, and this is over here and I ain't got nothing to do with that."
--Kim Porter on son Christian meeting HIS HALF-SISTER

[Quote via RHYMESWITHSNITCH // Scan CREDIT Urban Scanz
-Crunk and Disorderly


I can't say I'm happy about this one. Yes, I'm glad Ms. Stand By My Man grew a brain and bounced on Diddy Bop, but this statement further proves her ignorance. Let me explain.

I am one of those children whose father has other children. Actually, my father has one son with a woman and a son and daughter from a previous marriage. I'm the baby. While I can't say that the way I met each of them was "magical" (The experiences were quite weird, but a blessing, nonetheless.), I'm glad that I know who my brothers and sisters are. Are we close, super-tight? No. Do we talk everyday? No. But we do see each other regularly, occasionally talk by phone, I spend time with my nieces and nephews and when we see each other out on the town, it's all good. No ill feelings. For God's sake, we look alike!

Don't get me wrong, we didn't all come together with all parents for an official "meet and greet" like Eddie's baby mamas. They were all adults by that time. However, I find comfort knowing that I have some piece of a relationship with three other people in world who share my last name (it's not that common!). I know that if I needed anything, they'd be there. The same goes for them.

All of that to say Kim Porter is DEAD WRONG! How dare she deny her children the right to know their sibling simply because the "other woman" is involved? Get over it, chick! You didn't have enough guts to stand up to Sean John all those years, so don't try to be tough now. You're using the children. Most times, it's the mother who pushes her negative feelings about the "other" children and the "other" woman onto the child. Speaking from personal experience, a child always wants to know their siblings, whether they admit it or not. How can you not? The fact is, the same blood runs through your veins and whether or not your mothers or circumstances are different doesn't change that. There is something in each of you that is the same--a physical feature, a personality trait, a look, a smile, something. Who wouldn't be in awe of that?

So this is my plea and prayer for mothers like Kim and millions of others and even adults who have siblings whom they refuse to meet: GROW UP! Be what you are---an adult. Pray to God for closure in the situation and for your heart to open. There's a way to deal with your hurt, betrayal, jealously or whatever issue you have and make connections with your family. It just takes TIME. It doesn't happen overnight.

Even after meeting years ago, sometimes my sister and I just sit in the living room and look at each other. There's nothing much to say, but we know that we are a part of each other. That's enough for me.


  • At September 19, 2007 at 7:01:00 PM PDT, Blogger Ananda said…

    AMEN Sistalove. I read the article two days ago. I am glad she woke up. I am certain that in time she will wake up about allowing her children to connect with their sibling. She is growing. I know she will grow more now that she is walking her path. Let's keep her surrounded by light and know that she will do better, she knows better. I always remember these words for myself... Oprah quotes them. They are from Dr. Maya Angelou. Peace and Love, Ananda

    PS: I love your blog. I just discovered it today. Many blessings.

  • At September 20, 2007 at 5:59:00 AM PDT, Blogger S.N.J said…

    I know in my life my sisters helped mold me into the person I became. I didn't meet them until i was 8, so I got thrown into being one of 6 instead of just me. It was weird at first and two of my siblings i never talk to but at least i know they exist. I always try to stay connected to them but for some reason they don't try. i just pray about it and continue to grow with the ones that do. fortunately our mothers got along great and never stood in the way of us getting to know each other.

  • At September 21, 2007 at 8:47:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I so agree with you sis...She needs to stop thinking it's all about her! What is more beneficial for the child? "He aint thinkin' bout her"...Please!!


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