Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Friday, May 18, 2007

Seasons Change

This week has been really weird for me. Not the week's events, but the way I've been feeling. For one, last Friday, my Daddy called the ambulance because he felt sick. Last year he had a mild heart attack and every since then, naturally, he has been scared to death of having a "real" heart attack. I'm not sure he has come to terms with having heart problems even a whole year later.

He stayed overnight at the hospital and they ran tests and more tests. Everything was A-OK. He's still feeling sick and they don't know the reason why. Earlier in the week, he made a comment about going to the doctor and them telling him he was going to "be gone." I asked him what he meant and he said gone as in deceased. That hurt my heart for two reasons.

One, I hate for him to feel defeated and talk like that. I, however, don't know what it feels like to question everyday if a heart attack is coming my way whenever I begin to feel bad. Two, it just hurts to see my Daddy in such a vunerable, weak state. When I moved out the other week, he wanted to help me so bad. But he couldn't. He is extremely emotional, but of course, he never shows me. It's just a change. He was always on the go, doing this and that. There's where I get it from. Things are different now.

I'm okay with it now though. I just continue to pray for him everyday and show him that I love him. That's all I can do.


The second thing is me and the other half of the parental unit don't have much to talk about these days. It feels weird, but I really don't have anything to talk about. Nothing new or exciting. I'm kinda just being. We went out to dinner last night and it was cool. She talked. I listened. I thnk it's the period talking, instead of me. Clearly, I can be fool. I know this, so that situation is temporary. But I still had to get that out.

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