Lights Off

After a brief conversation and reflection on my social life, I realized something. I cut people off. No, I cut men off. Like lights off, utilities out, cut off. Forever. Damn near permanently. Let's take inventory, shall we?

A certain guy I dated (if that's what you wanna call it) years ago was not on my page. We were on the same level in terms of education, career, etc., but in other areas, we were off. Way off. I considered him immature and he made me feel...not the best. So naturally, I kicked him to the curb pronto. That worked for me. Even now when I see him he is still asking what went wrong, why we aren't together, yada yada.

This is the deal. When I cut the lights off, I do it with no warning. I just drop off completely. Call me and get the cold shoulder real quick. Is it nice? Not really. Considerate? Not so much. Slightly immature? Yeah, sometimes. But we all know I have this problem with communication. Anyway, I have gotten a little better. That was years ago, as I said before.

Present Day. The young man. Um...I thought we were no longer "dating" since we hadn't seen each other in weeks, close to months. We rarely talk. I tripped at first because I thought he disappeared. Then after I thought about it...the fact that it was a straight fling for me, my delayed playtime, it wasn't based on genuine feelings and was probably some type of defense mechanism for another situation...I was so good with the way things turned out. He calls occasionally on basic chit chat stuff. Nothing too heavy. I felt comfortable talking to him whenever about nothing relating to us, dating, sex, etc. Just friends.

Now he is calling more frequently on some other ish. Like regular lovey-dovey talk, wanting to discuss family issues, during the day no less. I'm not comfortable with it at all. Honestly, it almost repulses me. Dude, we don't get down like that anymore. Damn, I feel bad about that. He obviously needs someone to talk to, but I didn't think it was me.

Anyway, I don't know how to get over this cycle of cutting people off and out of my life. There are others whom I didn't mention. Sometimes, it's good, but other times, it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I should talk to him. Because clearly, he didn't get the memo. I am most definitely. I'm making progress remember? Calling at work always throws me off.

Am I the only like this?

P.S. Thanks for the anniversary comments! Love ya!