I don't have to see the students until Wednesday because of fall break. Yes! Being an instructor (that really sounds weird) makes me wonder what kind of student I was in college. Did I actively participate in class without being an aggravating twerp? I know I did my work, but when I was in class, what was I doing? Zoning out, writing, trying to stay awake, participating in class discussion, doing work for other classes? I guess I did all of the above (successfully) at some point.
The point being this: everyone is not interested in everything in college. Some of it is exciting, but most of it, you go through it because it's a requirement. I'm just trying to figure out why these students are acting like they're in high school. What the hell is going on? Who knows? Just gimme my check. I need my money on time!
My linesisters and I were out for drinks last night doing what we do best--clowning, talking about our dramatic social lives and reminiscing about school. The main topic was how did we go through four years of school and not find our husbands or husbands-to-be? Not a half of a prospect, even. Homecoming was more of a family picnic--couples toting baby bags and toddlers around. I ain't hating. The Black family is a beautiful institution. It just seems like things changed so quickly. I think I got lost in the shuffle of the transition from fresh out of school to GROWN. But damn it has been almost four years. Things change whether we want them to or not.
I must admit, though I had THE BEST TIME EVER in college, I now ask myself what the hell was I doing all that time? Was it really filled with only parties, clubs, school activities and school work? Pretty much....
This past weekend I realized that I never had a major relationship then because the guys I liked and vice-versa all had deal-breaker circumstances that could not be overcome. Be it crazy girlfriends, kids, mindset, whatever. Have you ever been in a "thing" with someone and just knew that it would never be? Never work? Well, that's how it was for me.
I was also thinking that I should have been back my writing game years ago. While I was "living for the city" in grad school, I should have been sending in queries, applying for internships, etc. I just didn't have it in me though. I wasn't focused and I tried, believe me.
I'm not trippin though. Let the past be the past and look FORWARD. The time is now.
While I'm on that note, me and Youngin are, for lack of a better word, done. I guess you can say, out of sight, out of mind. The thrill is gone. For now, anyway. Probably permanently. I know how I am. Too bad he doesn't.
Anyway, I'm going to enjoy this weekend because next week will be REAL. Oh, and thanks for the comments on the Empress article. I thought everyone could relate.