Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dontgetit

I'm back from a week's worth of work and sleep. I know you want to see the Essence pics. However, I must move to more pressing issues at this time. Well, kids..I've to the realization for the 100th and final time that...

I just don't get it....

It could be myself and the way I feel, men or dating. Hell, let's just say "it" is all of the above.

This is what my issue has always been, apparently....according to other folks. I don't make myself avaialable or show enough interest. Hmm....before I totally disagreed. In my mind, if I held a conversation with you, went out with you, even answered the phone when a guy called or returned a phone call, that was showing interest. As I've gotten older, I realized that you can go out on dates with someone daily and still not feel any chemistry or assume there's interest there. Point taken.

So what is making yourself available, without being too available? Once I tell you what my day is like, but I'm free for the rest of the day, what else is there? I ask did you have anything in mind. You carry on with the conversation like whatever. So who's really unavailable?

This guy I'm "associating" with is about as weird as they come with this dating thing. And I'm not even sure I really like him. I don't have much to base it on, I guess. It seems to be more of a game than anything. I don't get it, nor do I have time for it. I need time to reflect on what's going on in my life. What am I thinking? What do I want? What am I afraid of? What am I ready for?

I can admit now that I was in a semi-major funk after leaving the Big Easy because I didn't see That One. Shame on me for feeling that way, but so what? I care about the boy. There, I said it. I was all looking forward to getting a lot of ish off my chest about us. Not to salvage some type of relationship, but to do it for me. For my own sake. Clear my conscience. Say everything I should've said, everything he ever wanted to hear since we met. I think I'd feel much better. Who cares how he feels about it? This was supposed to be about me!

So, of course, that didn't happen. After a complete week of catching up on sleep and wondering if I need to commit myself to a psychiatric ward (just kidding), I've getting over the idea of never seeing him again (again!). Whatever.

So that brings me back to my annoyance with the current dude and whoever decided to work my nerves this past week. I'm over this lil funk now, however. Time to move on to the next phase...figuring out what I want to do with my life because it has to get better. I'm most certainly blessed and thankful for everything God has done for me, but there's nowhere to go, but up now.

Time to get to work.

3 Comments:

  • At July 14, 2008 at 12:43:00 PM PDT, Blogger S. Parks said…

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  • At July 14, 2008 at 12:44:00 PM PDT, Blogger S. Parks said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At July 14, 2008 at 12:55:00 PM PDT, Blogger S. Parks said…

    :( no Essence pics...but I totally feel the funk...hell whenever I return to MEM from anywhere especially NOLA...I feel like shit! I absolutely despise Memphis, but I digress.
    On to your issue w/dating...I totally feel ya...which is why I don't really date here (again I blame Memphis)...but I am kinda experiencing the same thing & its really annoying the hell outta me! I can't wait to get out of here...in the meantime...focusing on yourself & God's plan for you is about your best option for staying sane (trust me I know)!

    Hang in there girl!
    Happy Summer '08!

    ~S. Parks

     

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