Since my quest to take a quick nap after work was banished by my need to watch Baldwin Hills (Damn you, Gerren. Damn you!) and True Life:I'm a Compulsive Shopper, I actually stayed up for awhile in a slump. I'm still on this thing about me finding out what I ultimately should be doing. Should I continue to apply for jobs out of state? Do I REALLY need to move away right now? Is my current job where I should be or is PR/journalism the way? No doubt, I'm confused as hell. I talked to God (as I do daily) and just asked him to show me something. And if he's showing me, open my eyes even wider where I can see. Please!
Not to mention, with all of my traveling and catching up with people, last night was the first time in about month that I was in solitude. I was actually lonely. Not alone and chillin like I usually am. I was lonely. It sucked terribly. So I asked God to take that feeling away, as well.
On a whim, I pulled out an old tattered black, spiral notebook, which was my "journal" back in 1998-99. I'd recently pulled all of my notebooks and journals from my old bedroom at home when my niece stayed a few nights. She is some kind of nosey! I had written about 55 poems in a section of the journal. I decided to read them and see what was on my mind at 17 years old.
Damn, they were really good! I can't imagine that I had some of those feelings to be so young. Some of the poems clearly didn't reflect my life, but just things that I thought were important. From a wake up call to Black men (still so relevant!) to young women having to sacrifice for their children, love and faith. It was all there. I was blown away. How I wish I had that drive and will to write like that now. I remember sitting in my room with no television or radio on and just writing. Good stuff.
I was inspired all over again. Maybe it won't be poems this time around (I think I'm too free-flowing for that), but it'll be something. With that being said, do you keep a journal? If so, how long have do so and how has it helped you?