Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Because I Can't Stop Thinking

So, the other night, my male BFF told me I think too much. He probably tells me this atleast once every two weeks, maybe? I start going off on tangents, which I'm known to do about everything from the lack thereof (yeah we talk about that, too) to wanting a new job to whatever. I mentioned to a female friend and her response was, "We're women. We're supposed to think all of the time. Duh."

Precisely.

So here's what I've been thinking about lately. Keep in mind that it only makes sense in my head and sometimes, not even there. It's just random stuff.

My biological clock is ticking. I can't hear it, but I know it's ticking. Yesterday, a co-worker told me she wouldn't "wait too long" to have a baby if she were me. She was about 28 when she got pregnant, but it was accidental. My mother got pregnant at 28 and it was accidental. So what does that say to me? On one hand, I know I want to be young and vibrant enough to enjoy my children and hopefully, grandchildren. On the other hand, why suggest that I have a baby soon when your pregnancies weren't even planned? Get it?

A couple of months ago, I toiled over this same issue when my doctors found a gigantic fibroid in my uterus. What if I couldn't have children at all? Oh, the horror, right? I was depressed for days. Granted, everything turned out fine, but it sent some feelers out that I need to think about having children soon (as in the next 2-5 years).

This is the thing though. A: I have no "real" control over what will happen in that area. Yeah, I could run out to the sperm donor right now, but it's not THAT serious to me. B: I need and want a father for child to be my husband. C: I have no prospects for a husband, baby daddy, hell, even a boyfriend. Women are talking to me like I can just pull a man from the sky, have sex with him and voila'! Behold, a child! Uh-uh. I don't roll like that.

So that thought alone sends me right back to the depressed mode. Just when I think I'm crazy, someone else tells me that they think about the same thing. Well, the baby part, atleast. Tell me, do you think about this? I assume that some men think about having children, too--even though they can make babies until they're 70+. If not, what are some things you think about that you think are uncommon?

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