Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Thursday, July 12, 2007

That Thing

So I was reading a post on B's Purple World just now. She said to cherish the people you have in your life and tell them that you love them. Even if you don't like to say all the mushy stuff, say it. You never know how it will make them feel. That's not it verbatim, but the "mushy" part is. That's when I decided to blog about my new found issue: emotional block.

I had been debating about whether I should blog or journal my feelings on this subject. Either way, it would written down because that's my issue: I can't say how I feel! Rather, it's hard to say certain things to certain people. And I have no idea why.

It came to me the other morning that I am going to have to deal with not being an open person in relationships. Romantic relationships. A platonic friend--I can say whatever, whenever, however--no holds barred. Someone else--it almost kills me to say how I feel, whether it be about their looks, personality. Whatever I like about them. Crazy as hell I know. Where is Dr. Phil when I need him? What's even crazier is I am a firm believer in showing emotion, giving compliments, etc.--for other people. I don't take my own advice though. I know that everyone needs to feel wanted, appreciated and valued. What's a better way than telling them that?

Likewise, it's difficult for me accept emotional exchange, affection, compliments. I do accept it, but I'm thinking, "okay, what do I say to that?" It's the silliest, yet saddest thing I've seen yet. But I already knew this about myself.

Coincidentally, just last night I was told that I have or show the emotion of a rock by someone close to me. That hurt. I didn't think it was that bad. What the hell does a rock do? Nothing, but just sit there. They serve no purpose whatsoever, unless you're kicking them. Damn, that hurt. I did express that feeling, atleast. This coming from someone is clearly on the opposite end of the spectrum in this regard. Everything is laid out on the table (with tact).

I've been praying about it, too. I know that God will make a change in me. Last night in Bible Study, my teacher said that whatever issues that we have, we can be changed and comforted through God's Word. We sang "Falling in Love With Jesus (is the best thing I've ever done)" by Jonathan Butler (my fav!) for devotion. I believe that.


  • At July 12, 2007 at 7:45:00 PM PDT, Blogger An Aquarian Thought said…

    Good post. I can relate to this difficulty. I am an aquarius so it is hard to get in touch with our emotions. But recently, I lost a few people that were dear to me and I realized that it's not scary or anxiety causing to let the people in your life know that they mean something to you. As the cliche goes. . . Life is to short. . . Speak your mine!

  • At July 12, 2007 at 9:14:00 PM PDT, Blogger Vixenlibra said…

    I agree with an aquarian. Just keep praying and have faith. You made it through the hardest part, which was admitting that something was wrong, and figuring out what it was. Just take your time.

  • At July 13, 2007 at 6:31:00 AM PDT, Blogger deeprootedconfusion said…

    You are not alone in this, I have the same problem. This specific problem is one reason why my relationships don't last, because I am unable to display my emotions. There are so many people in the world at our age dealing with the same problem. You are definitely not alone in this one.
    In agreement with the previous commentors, you've identified the problem, now let's make a conscience effort to make a change. Yep I know you it's easier said than done, but FAITH without works is dead.


  • At July 13, 2007 at 7:46:00 AM PDT, Blogger *B* said…

    Hola! I'm glad you felt inspired by my few words :-) let me tell you, you are so not alone. With me and my past relationships, I can say they haven't been "grown up" So when i was faced with a relationship with a man who was willing to give me his all, emotions included, i was floored. he simply could not understand why I couldn't express myself! I told him it's an issue of mine, and that i'm pretty "emotionless" - with him though, he showed me things and that is why i was finally able to express myself.

    Now i am finding it hard, yet again to do just that, and I always fall back on, "oh deal with it, that's how I am", but that's not always going to work.

    and yes, I agree with all of the commenters, now you've identified it, lean on the Lord and your faith :-)

    Have a fab weekend!!!

  • At July 13, 2007 at 7:49:00 AM PDT, Blogger Southern_Lady said…

    To everyone: Thanks for all your comments. They have really helped me. I thought I was the only one who was dealing with this. It'll get better though.

  • At July 13, 2007 at 8:15:00 AM PDT, Blogger Ms. Lee said…

    Mocha Girl, I can sooo relate. It took a lot of prayer for me to be able to express my emotions. I used to use humor as a way to deflect it, because I realized that I am more sensitive than I let on and having been hurt, didn't like to let anyone in.

    I did learn however that came from letting the wrong people in...but that's a whole 'nother post!

    Anyway, before I blog in your space, from a former rock, to a recovering, I say keep at it. It gets easier.

  • At July 13, 2007 at 1:57:00 PM PDT, Blogger The Humanity Critic said…

    I agree, even if that mushy stuff isn't particularly your cup of tea - expressing your love as frequently as possible seems to be the best policy.

    Humanity F Critic

  • At July 13, 2007 at 2:07:00 PM PDT, Blogger Urban Gyrl said…

    I can relate, but in a different way. I have emotions and things I wanna say, but I keep them bottled up until I explode! Is that healthy? I just really realized that I do not let my guard down enough to let people in.

    Still figuring this whole "grown up" thing out.

    Urban Gyrl

  • At July 15, 2007 at 12:34:00 PM PDT, Blogger eclectik said…

    You are the best, love the post!
    You big softy LOL



    The Message board (Grown folk talk)

  • At July 15, 2007 at 3:36:00 PM PDT, Anonymous SueZette said…

    Why did this read like a page from my life....awesome post...

  • At July 26, 2007 at 9:43:00 PM PDT, Blogger Complicated Melody said…

    Another aquarian here who feels the same way.


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