So I was reading a post on B's Purple World just now. She said to cherish the people you have in your life and tell them that you love them. Even if you don't like to say all the mushy stuff, say it. You never know how it will make them feel. That's not it verbatim, but the "mushy" part is. That's when I decided to blog about my new found issue: emotional block.
I had been debating about whether I should blog or journal my feelings on this subject. Either way, it would written down because that's my issue: I can't say how I feel! Rather, it's hard to say certain things to certain people. And I have no idea why.
It came to me the other morning that I am going to have to deal with not being an open person in relationships. Romantic relationships. A platonic friend--I can say whatever, whenever, however--no holds barred. Someone else--it almost kills me to say how I feel, whether it be about their looks, personality. Whatever I like about them. Crazy as hell I know. Where is Dr. Phil when I need him? What's even crazier is I am a firm believer in showing emotion, giving compliments, etc.--for other people. I don't take my own advice though. I know that everyone needs to feel wanted, appreciated and valued. What's a better way than telling them that?
Likewise, it's difficult for me accept emotional exchange, affection, compliments. I do accept it, but I'm thinking, "okay, what do I say to that?" It's the silliest, yet saddest thing I've seen yet. But I already knew this about myself.
Coincidentally, just last night I was told that I have or show the emotion of a rock by someone close to me. That hurt. I didn't think it was that bad. What the hell does a rock do? Nothing, but just sit there. They serve no purpose whatsoever, unless you're kicking them. Damn, that hurt. I did express that feeling, atleast. This coming from someone is clearly on the opposite end of the spectrum in this regard. Everything is laid out on the table (with tact).
I've been praying about it, too. I know that God will make a change in me. Last night in Bible Study, my teacher said that whatever issues that we have, we can be changed and comforted through God's Word. We sang "Falling in Love With Jesus (is the best thing I've ever done)" by Jonathan Butler (my fav!) for devotion. I believe that.