Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Love Triangle

Gotcha! No, I'm not in one. I don't do drama very well, but I do have something for you to think about.

Everyone has different kinds of relationship with different kinds of people. Some relationships are serious, some are based on love and some are based on pure lust. Where are you in the triangle. This was lifted from Cool Lloyd. Here goes:

The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. The theory characterizes love on three different scales:

1. Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.

2. Passion – Which encompasses drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.

3. Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision that one loves another, and in the long term, the commitment to maintain that love.

The "amount" of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components; the "kind" of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or more.

* Nonlove is the absence of all three of Sternberg's components of love.

* Liking/friendship in this case is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense passion or long-term commitment.

* Infatuated love is often what is felt as "love at first sight". But without the intimacy and the commitment components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

* Empty love: Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love, in which the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion have died. In cultures in which arranged marriages are common, relationships often begin as empty love and develop into one of the other forms with the passing of time.

* Romantic love: Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally through intimacy and physically through passionate arousal.

* Companionate love: an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. Sexual or physical desire is not an element of companionate love. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship but a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.

* Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.

* Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the "perfect couple".

Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.

Things that make you go hmmmm......


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