Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Monday, April 13, 2009

Damn, That Hurt!

I'm supposed to be grading papers before I leave work at 5 p.m., but it ain't happening. Instead, I'm reading Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I said that I wouldn't buy it because it's enough literature and interviews and discussion boards out there to give me the whole shebang without ever hitting the bookstore. Well, I'm reading it, but I didn't buy it. My linesister sent it to me in PDF. Shout to the Grab Bag of Alpha Tau, Spring 2003 (We're six years old today.)!

I hate to admit it and I knew it was true, but to an unimportant-important person, I was what Steve calls, the "sports fish." It makes me cringe to know that that's probably how I put myself out there, hence the down-spiraling relationship---ahem, situation. Read this:

Doesn’t have any rules, requirements, respect for herself, or guidelines, and we men can pick up her scent a mile away. She’s the party girl who takes a sip of her Long Island iced tea or a
shot of her Patrón, then announces to her suitor that she just wants to “date and see how it goes,” and she’s the conservatively dressed woman at the office who is a master at networking, but clueless about how to approach men. She has no plans for any
ongoing relationships, is not expecting anything in particular from a man, and sets absolutely not nary one condition or restriction on anyone standing before her—she makes it very clear that she’s just along for whatever is getting ready to happen
.

For sure, as soon as she lets a man know through words and action
that he can treat her just any old kind of way, he will do just
that. Men will stand in line to sign up for that, believe me.


I cringe at the thought that for so long, unbeknowst to me, I was giving him the green light to act a fool. Granted, I was young (and dumb), but the real reason a woman says these words is because it's preventing her from saying the real deal, "Hey, dude, I would like to pursue something real; therefore, I'm opening myself up to the possibility of something that works or something that can leave me hurt or disappointed."

Maybe that was just me though.

At this age, though, I have finally figured out that I have to be deliberate with this ish! I have decided to raise my standards and that starts today.

6 Comments:

  • At April 13, 2009 at 8:45:00 PM PDT, Blogger Dani said…

    hey girl. i didn't even know you could send pdf books (nor did I know such thing existed.. is that like an e-book?) Anyways, would u be able to forward it to me also? I want some advice! lol

     
  • At April 14, 2009 at 6:53:00 AM PDT, Blogger Assertive Wit said…

    one of my friends forwarded it to me on PDF too...I sure wasn't buying it LOL I was so bored at work on Friday that I read the whole thing in an effort to dodge work...unfortunately, I read it in 2 hrs so I had to find something else to do for the rest of the day.

    all of my actions, for the most part, are deliberate; being delusional has never been a strong suit of mine so the things Steve mentioned weren't new to me...

    I think the big thing with a lot of women is that we convince ourselves, sometimes, that things aren't REALLY what they are and that's how we become the women who make the "mistakes" Steve mentions. If most of us owned up to our actions and admitted that we just want to do shit our own damn way, we'd see that most of the time, we're in our own way.

    But that's all a part of life :)

     
  • At April 14, 2009 at 8:00:00 AM PDT, OpenID lyfesimplified said…

    So Mocha do I have a strong recommendation from to read this book? I pretty much feel that I have this dating thing down packed although what I have experienced so far has left me happily single. There's just no one out here to date like seriously!

    go.

     
  • At April 14, 2009 at 12:25:00 PM PDT, Blogger Southern_Lady said…

    Dani, send me your email.

    Go, I would have to say, read it. A lot of things I knew, but it's still a good read. He opened my eyes up a few new things.

     
  • At April 14, 2009 at 12:25:00 PM PDT, Blogger Southern_Lady said…

    @ Assertive Wit: So true. Admitting is the first step!

     
  • At May 21, 2009 at 12:51:00 PM PDT, Blogger Miss R. said…

    So, if the woman does put herself out there and tells they guy that she would like to have a serious relationship, doesn't that give the guy the power to control whether the two of you get together? I have heard that it does. It's almost like damned if you, damned if you don't. Lol.

     

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