Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Saturday, January 13, 2007

I'm Just Trying to Kick It

As a request of my best male friend, I'm going to write about this thing called DATING, or maybe I should call it un-dating. Discussing love and life as we usually do, he made the comment, "People these days don't want to commit, they just want to chill, kick it, ya know. You should write about that." So here goes.

Are men and women really not trying to take it to that next level (whatever it may be for them) as much? A couple of kick-it sessions at the house. Dinner and a movie, if you're lucky or enjoy each other's company enough for more than an hour. Halfway-decent conversations and laughs (gotta have those jokes!). Good sex (maybe). No verbal commitments or talk of it. Sounds like the Dream Relationship, right?

Guess again. That's not a relationship. That's a pseudo-relationship, a thing. Let me break it down (so it can consistently and forever by broke!):

Answer A: Boy and Girl are kickin' it. Fun times. Everything's good. Or so you think. Somebody is catching feelings. Is it you? One of the two cannot continue on being in that person's presence, enjoying their company and conversation, feeling that strong attraction. Having an intimate relationship (whether they stay for breakfast or not). Laying around at the house. Just being...them. Without having some inkling of hope for something more. That thought: "I wonder how it would be if we were together....????" That wish: "I wish we could be a couple." That want: "I want us to be..."

Sometimes that person will turn those hopes, thoughts, wishes and wants into words that can take a perfectly cool evening into that awkward zone. You know the one when you're thinking, "Damn, I was hoping this wouldn't happen. I wish he/she would just leave now. This is not what's poppin' right now. "

And that's when things get complicated.

If you're the one who does not want a relationship, it's not going to be easy for you. How do you tell that person whom you may actually care about atleast 35 percent (admit it!) that basically it ain't gon happen? Yeah, you could just be honest and I wholeheartedly suggest it, but how is that person going to take that? Look at all that's been invested.

Somebody's not gonna be a happy camper. That's if you decide to tackle the situation head-on at that very moment. If you're like me, you're going to finesse your way out of that convo and handle it 'later'. Take it from me, that's not the way to go.

You could be that other person, too. No one is exempt from wanting someone they simply cannot have. Even better than that, you cannot have him/her the way you want to. That sucks the worst, right?

So what do you do? You're stuck in a pickle (is that a White phrase?). My advice to you and myself is to talk about and state intentions up front. We women will psych ourselves out. We'll say kickin' it is cool with us, knowing there's a possibility that we'll want more. Before we know it, we like the dude. Hard as we try, we can't shake it. Damn.

But, if an agreement was made, there's no such thing as "she/he knows how I feel. He/she just won't act right." No no, boo boo. You can't flip it like that! Sorry, you gotta play the game fair.

Answer B: Maybe people want to kick it, no strings attached, no serious intentions because they're afraid of being hurt or being hurt again. And why have they been hurt, you ask? Because that person they've fallen for has shown all signs of true interest, so they think. While laying in bed with that person thinking about what their kids will look like, the other person is really wishing there was a button on the side of the bed to push to eject that ass out the window. Sooner or later those expectations of a real relationship and reciprocated feelings are shattered by that person. Oh well. It happens everyday.

So, I don't know, take your pick. The answers seem to intertwine, as you can see. But sometimes kickin' it is actually done the right way. Neither party wants anything more or less from the other. That's hotness. If you've known that to happen often, let me know so I can breathe in some of that air. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm "just not built that way."


  • At January 17, 2007 at 1:45:00 PM PST, Blogger deeprootedconfusion said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At January 17, 2007 at 1:52:00 PM PST, Blogger deeprootedconfusion said…

    Great Blog once again.
    My view on all this is:
    There are some women out there who can sleep with men and walk away with no feelings whatsoever. There are also, women/men who strongly believe that having great sex with someone will make them what to start a relationship with you. No doing that just moves you to the top of the preferred sex list.I think it was my great brother/cousin who said that it is more important to pay attention to someone's actions than it is to pay attention to their words. Someone can shoot great bullshit through their mouth while their actions are telling their true feelings. If a guy calls you after 9'clock and want to see you all the time, all he wants is a sexual relationship. If he is showing interest like you think a guy interested in a relationship with you should, but he still entertains several other women. He don't want to be with you, he just want options of who ass he can get this week. Live it, believe it, Love smart


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