Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Woman Up

It's 10:34 p.m. on a Sunday night. I should be folding this huge pile of clothes on my bed so I can actually get in the bed...Instead, I'm sitting here, listening to Faith Evans' first album, Faith and typing this blog.

Yesterday, some things took place that have put things in perspective for me. You already know that I have an issue with telling people, mainly the opposite sex, my true feelings. For example, if I'm just not into him (anymore) or if I never was or if there is simply no potential for anything to be, I have a hard time expressing that. That's absolutely crazy because they probably don't care either way. I drop hints all day every day and where has it ever gotten me? Nowhere fast!

Case and point:

Scenario #1
A guy a met at a club turned out to have three children with a BM who he nearly married. The first conversation he asked me if I was sleeping with anyone because he wanted to know if I was "emotionally attached" to someone. Who says one has to do with the other all the time?? Anyway, sorry buddy, you're not my cup of tea! I ignored his relentless text messages and phone calls. Finally after a couple of weeks, communication on his part ceased. Mission accomplished!

I'll be damned if dude didn't call me yesterday--twice. I never saved his number, so I'd long forgotten about him. An unknown number came up on the phone, but it looked a tad familiar, so I called it back. Stupid! Dude, why are you still calling me? Why is my number even saved? He was on some, "You probably don't remember me because we didn't talk that much, but..."

After I realized who he was was, I put him on hold to catch another call. He sent me a message that said, "Did you forget about me or do I need to erase your number?"

I'll take the latter for $400, please!

Scenario #2
The youngin from the Summer '07 fling fizzled out for reasons that I know and some I don't. Bottom line is we were on two different levels in life. After he visited me earlier this year to reconcile, I froze up on telling him that I really wanted him to disappear into thin air on the spot (that's way harsh!). Good guy, but I think that's just the way I was feeling at the time. I lied and said everything was cool and while I didn't think we should see each other anymore, we could still be friends. I didn't really mean that, either.

He's still calling me to go "out to lunch" or to "come over" because we're still "friends" damn near a year later.

Scenario #3
A guy I've known for 10+ who has liked me since Heck was a pup will NOT give up on getting me. I play him to the left constantly and I've done some things that I wish I could reverse, so now it's time to have that talk with him about how it will never be. I even tried to justify "trying" to like him because he had a lot of things on the checklist ( no kids, homeowner, great job). It's so much more that needs to be considered though. He and I just will not work. I finally get it. Now it's time for him to get it, too.

I have to woman-up and just come out with it. I can't spare others feelings for my own anymore. No, I don't think these guys will fall apart because I'm so hot, etc. But I do know how people can be when they don't get what they want, but you know what? Tough titty! That's their issue, not mine. It'll keep me from dealing all this foolishness that could have been prevented on the front-end, if I would have spoken up.

Take that, take that!


  • At August 25, 2008 at 3:39:00 PM PDT, Blogger Eb the Celeb said…

    you can always use the "its not you, its me" cop out...lol

  • At August 26, 2008 at 12:05:00 PM PDT, Blogger suga said…

    I totally understand your plight. I have been too scared to tell suitors to "hit the road jack", or there were times when I forced myself to deal with them because on paper, they were perfect.

    All that really did was cause dudes to be pissed when they finally realized that we wouldnt work. I was apparently wasting their time. Who woulda thunk that? lol

  • At August 26, 2008 at 12:59:00 PM PDT, Blogger Maya said…

    Well you know me, most times I don't have a problem tell them how I feel, since my emoitional liberation. But I can tell you some guys are pansies, they say I can take it when you tell me the truth about how you really feel. Then they turn around and start acting like a lil boy with his thumb up his butt. So just be prepare for the various reactions, some reactions prove exactly why you don't want to talk to them any way and some reaction try to make you feel like something is wrong with you.

    But either way go for the goal, because like you said.. You can't put other peoples feels ahead of yours, which ultimately make you uncomfotable and uneasy. Basically it's like you having nightmares about them and they having wet dreams about you. It's just not equal here!

  • At August 26, 2008 at 8:32:00 PM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Good post. I am trying the honesty kick myself but I think I have taken it to the extreme. This guy asked me when we would hang out again so I told him we wouldn't. He then had the nerve to ask why, I just flat out told him I didn't want to. Needless to say he stopped talking to me, but my mission was accomplished. Never lost any sleep over that one. But I think I could have done it in a nicer manner.

  • At September 4, 2008 at 11:23:00 AM PDT, Blogger Jada said…

    You so sound like me. Unfortunatley I'm always considering other's feelings before my own, which only proves to get my feelings hurt even more. Do what you gotts do hon...gotta work on womaning up too.


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