Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Friday, June 29, 2007


It's Friday, so you know what that means....I'm at work, twiddling my thumbs. Net surfing, reading and writing queries, although I should be doing evaluations. That's too much like right though.

Not sure if I've said it before, but I have this dream of having my own business. Since I was a young girl, I have loved reading profiles about young Black women who have their own, especially in writing and public relations. I would secretly wish I could find out exactly what they did to start their businesses.

Lately, I've gotten that feeling again. I want to start my very own business. But in what? There are many services that I can offer, but which service am I best in? Writing, PR, public speaking/facilitating? I know the first step, create a business plan. I've been to the library, blackenterprise.com and several other places for information. In an ideal world, I'd offer all of those services. But as of now, it's just a dream. I just don't know how to make the dream a reality.

My daddy has owned his own printing business for years. My maternal grandmother was a beautician with her own shop, so I think the entrepreneurial spirit is in my blood. Right now, I'd love to begin doing some things on the side in PR. I've been emailing the few PR boutiques in the city like crazy. I'd like to get my feet weet again. Since I don't actually work in the field anymore, I figure it's the least I can do. They say if you don't use it, you lose it.

So that brings me back to the hardest question for me yet...What's my true passion? I've got soul searching to do. I think it's great to know how to do several trades, but there has to be one that sticks out among the others.

If any of you have your own small businesses or one-man bands, let me know how you did it. Everyone's story is different, I'm sure. I just love hearing these stories. And I need some tips, too!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

A Random Thursday

Hey ya!

No set theme today--just rattling off. For one, I'm slippin. I need to be writing--just because it's what I need to do right now. That decision I was talking about...forget about it. Shadiness at its best. Atleast in my opinion. I was telling a friend about the dilemma over Olive Garden cheese ravioli and shrimp, and she didn't know what to say. Whatever angle I looked at it, I came up with nothing. I'd said that I hadn't "heard" anything from God. So I was just wading along.

I got to work Monday and thought, I can't do this. How can tell people about money management? What credentials do I have? This curriculum is too basic...Blah, blah, blah. This is the kicker though. The mag publisher asked for a copy of my check stub to verify employment/income. Am I moving into an apartment or trying to get a job offer. I inquired what she needed from the stub by email. She replied the same. I replied that I'd never been asked to supply a check stub. Clearly, all you can do is offer me what you can afford to pay. If it works for me, it works. If it doesn't, oh well. The whole scenario was shady and bootleg from the start. I knew I had a funny feeling. My email was sent afternoon. You see what today is, right? No word, email reply or anything.

Meanwhile, I have added some key points on retirement and investing to my curriculum. I used the revamped curriculum in a class this week and everyone loved it! I really enjoyed the class. I felt more confident in what I was teaching. The evaluations were wonderful. I even got some emails about the classes that were (extremely) complimentary.

I took that as a sign that I need to stick around here for a minute. Continue freelancing on my own. I have to give this program a chance. I really believe that we can build it up. I still have this PR bug though. Some kind of way, I need to get into that on the side. I don't owe ole' Sally for nothing!

Some people talk too damn much! Namely my coworker across the hall. She rattles on and on about...nothing. Sweet as pie, but no one cares what you and your husband and his mother do. It's like she has nothing else to do, so she comes in our office and runs her trap like water. She has an answer to EVERYTHING and even if there's nothing say, she will find something. Silence is golden, babe, not tarnished. Sheesh!!!

Why is it that everyone around us can see what's not good for us, except for us?

Nothing funny has happened to me, as of late. Quite odd. Give it a couple more days...

Facebook and Myspace prove daily that the world is TOO FREAKING SMALL! Everyone knows everyone.

I hate Diddy and love him at the same time. Those poor boys don't have a chance in hell after the first album goes platinum. And that BET Awards performance? WHY?

Note to Diddy regarding his "career": Go find your nearest Home Depot or construction site and...KICK ROCKS!



Thursday, June 21, 2007


This is a note copied from a friend's blog. Even though I knew about this before, reading it now put a new spin on things for me.


Ok so I have been promiscuous in my life and now looking back I do not regret what I have done but I had to ask myself where has that gotten me besides instant gratification and lowered self-esteem? Now ya'll know the saying that once you give it up the man is not interested in you anymore and he will start to stray...well now I am a firm believer of that. Please know that everytime we lay down with a man we are bonding our souls with that person for life until we ask for God to release that bondage. This bonding that occurs after/during sex or during intimacy (kissing, touching, etc) is due to a chemical named Oxytocin. Oxytocin is released during orgasm in both sexes; in the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and also involved in the formation of trust between people (internet definition).

So how has this chemical affected our lives and our relationships?

Every time we lay with a man that chemical, Oxytocin, takes a mental picture of that situation. It will remember his cologne, it will remember his natural smell, it will remember how his touch heightened our senses, it will remember those songs that were playing in the background (so every time we driving in the car and that "In Between the Sheets" or "Honey Love" is playing we get flashbacks and we are tempted); also it will create a bond that you will share with him forever. Now I don’t know about everyone else but there has been a few guys that when I am around them I lose my mind and do stuff that I wouldn’t do. When I see that man again I go crazy and that chemical, Oxytocin, starts reigniting that flame / that bond that I had with him before so that when he talks to me or he brushes by me or I'm in the club and "Cross my Mind" is playing and he walks in the door, I start to reminisce on his scent, on his touch. And when that happens I lose to temptation and even though he was never a good person for me I still deal with him.

When I heard this broken down for me by Ty Adams I lost my mind. I was like that is why I did this and did that. God says that the tongue is an unruly fire and that when it is released you cannot control it. With that being said temptation is not only sex but also kissing and touching.

The crazy thing is that Oxytosin has several purposes: (a) in women it is released mainly after distension of the cervix and vagina during labor, and after stimulation of the nipples, facilitating birth and breastfeeding; meaning that its use is to create an everlasting bond with a Mother and her Child and (b) it is released between a wife and her husband to create an everlasting bond between them. God created this chemical for those reasons so why are we abusing this blessing and creating bonds with men who are not our husband nor our child?

I hope that everyone takes the time and really reads this because it answered a lot of questions in my life. Like for those relationships we have been in for years that we knew/know from the bottom of our hearts is love but it is not love; however, we forged a bond with him by releasing that chemical and we were blinded by sex and infatuation and we missed out on our blessings. And since we as women are emotional creatures we then take this chemical and mix it up with love; we then believe we are in love with someone and you can see all the signs that he is not the one but you still give him yourself all because of Oxytocin. That is why when you lay with man you feel a connection even though it may be a booty call or if its your boyfriend you feel a bond that calls you back for more even though it is not what you should be doing. But remember there is deliverance and that is in God.

Let me know what you think and give your comments. Ty Adams is on the internet http://www.tyadamsonline.com/

Let me know your thoughts. I could relate.


You need to let it go
You take on too much
You carry too much on your shoulders
Learn to say no
Learn to start taking care of Alisha, instead of everyone else.
You are not perfect, stop being wishy washy and just say no
God wants you live freely

You've got decisions to make. Trust yourself.

That's what I was told in Bible study last night. I attended our youth Bible study since I am an advisor. The teacher, who is my Sunday School teacher ( I haven't been in God knows how long!)decided to pray for each of us and she said if God put something on her heart to say, she was going to say it.

That's what she said.

She was SO ON POINT! I have never talked to her about any issues I have. Maybe once, but that was so long ago.

This is the real: I have a problem with saying no--to anyone, about anything in reason. If I have an inkling of thought that I can do it, I will. Always wanting to please people, always wanting to be committed, hold up my end of the bargain. I have been struggling with this for the last year or two. Even if it's something I don't want to do, I'll still do it. I can remember off the top of my head one time telling someone "no" (as far as church is concerned.). Mama and everyone else has told me it's okay to not do everything. I get it. I don't think I'm perfect, nor do I try to be. My attitude can get much to crappy for that.

When I don't do something, it comes off as being flaky. Flaky, I am at times. No denying that one, I guess. Sometimes, I just want to go to church and sit in the pew, without anyone looking to me or asking me whatever. But is that right?

She said I have decisions to make. Hmm....

Monday, out of the blue, I got a call from the publisher of the local AA women's mag I'd been freelancing for. Some kind of twisted way, I ended up interviewing for the head staff writer position there yesterday. I had no idea what she talking about when she called. Apparently, I'd sent my resume in months ago before I got this job and she's just now getting to it. She and the editor-in-chief went on and on my writing and she clearly wants me on board. Can somebody tell me just how this happened?

Yes, one of my goals has been to be published magazine writer. But recently, my goals took a turn and now I'm teaching financial eduation. And I like it, except I have this nervous bug about how long the program will last. I don't want to abandon the program and opportunity before it even gets off the ground. In the interview or "talk" the publisher asked me where did I see myself in the next 10 years.

In my mind, there was DEAD SILENCE......(except the crickes chirping.)

I don't know (I didn't tell her that.). Like really, I don't know. Do I want to write, do PR, teach, what? I have no idea.

They pointed out that I have a "well-rounded' resume." Understatement of the year.

So when she said at Bible study I have decisions to make, she ain't never lied. I've been praying to God to show me the way in terms of my whole life. My career(s), personal, emotional life---everything. Because sometimes I feel lost. And I don't feel any less of a person admitting that. I need His help.

Am I really considering taking the job? I don't know. We haven't talked money yet, but they know how much I'd expect. Jumping from one career field to another is scary to me. So something has to be compensated for.

But back to the Bible Study.....

It was packed with youth and everyone left out crying, red-eyed and sniffing. Not in a bad way, but it just goes to show that no matter how old you are, you deal with things. Everyone has a story. Kids are acting out because they're hurting and don't even know why they behave the way they do. They wonder why they have the lives they have, instead of someone else's. No one is exempt from that. It was touching that they were so excited about prayer and learning more about God. He is a true friend and every week, they are seeing that He is real.

So that's what keeps me going, doing what I do in church, even though it's not as much as I would like it to be at times. I am a work in progress. We all are.

Okay, I'm off my box, but I had to get that out.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Weekend Recap:Black Love Is So Beautiful

What's up, people!

Why am I still tired from this weekend? This weekend was so much fun. One of my sweetest linesisters who I just love jumped the broom in Baton Rouge. So you know what that meant: REUNION! Since it was 84 of us, getting about 35 of us together for something other than Homecoming can be a chore, but not this time. It was so good to be back in the Big Raggedy (as crazy as that sounds) and see my people. We really are like a family. Here's how it went down:

Friday night, we went to party at this nice lil (emphasis on lil) spot where the bridal party was. I felt like I was in undergrad again. I saw familiar faces and some I didn't care to see, but that's life. I realized that night that though you want things to stay the same, they have to change--atleast a little. I am one who likes the chase, but damn you have to give in sometimes, or they will look elsewhere. All is well that ends well. And everything happens for a reason.

Then we went to the Waffle House by my old apartment and clowned, of course. Texas steak melt and hashbrowns. Ahhh, just like old times. We don't have too many Waffle Houses in the M, unfortunately.

Saturday, we went to the mall and purchases some cute shirts and jewelry. But before that, we went to Chimes, a local favorite. I had Cajun catfish, covered with crawfish etoufee, with a Caesar salad and sweet tea. Umm Ummm good! Ya'll know I stay hungry!

The Wedding: It was beautiful. I cried through the whole thing. When we turned and saw my LS crying, that was a wrap. I have never seen two people more right for each other. Their love is real. Their families actually like--not put up--with each other. And they are both spiritually grounded in God. As my LS, B says, "they equally-yoked." The ceremony and reception were beautiful. Awwwwwwww.

For most single women, weddings are a time of happiness and then maybe depression or jealousy. That wasn't the case for me this time. I was hopeful and just so happy for them and their families. It was a weird feeling though, let me tell you. The best part about the reception for me was seeing her dance with her Daddy. I have no idea why I was touched by that. I'm getting waaayyyy too emotional these days. I need to get that checked. It was good seeing everyone and catching up. I also found out a few of LS read my blog regularly. If you are reading now, "Hey Poohs!". I also realized that I call everybody Pooh. I think it's cute.

Her Sweetheart Song circle was huge. I'm not as old as I thought, I was able to do two trains and go into the Cupid Shuffle immediately. Ah, that takes skill, mane.

Anyway, later we went out for drinks and one, who shall remain nameless, had one too many. Actually, I only had one, but it put me down. Thirty minutes later, I was doing the Cupid Shuffle while eating quesadillas in a empty sports bar by my damn self. Hot mess! (Note: I think I did the Cupid Shuffle, like 10 times in 1.5 days.)

Sunday, we capped off the weekend with brunch at my LS's new home. We cut up like we always do. Nobody can quote movies like us! (inside joke). After that, God blessed us with a safe trip home. And three days later, I still thinking about that French toast!

I really needed that weekend. Life is good.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Get Em Girl!

Today I'm all about my financial game, but I couldn't help but post when I saw an article on Get Em Girls Guide: A Sassy Girl's Cookbook. Yeah, I know I'm late because I remember reading about it months ago. How fitting that I see this article when I'm trying to reach my current goal:
I need to learn how to cook!

Yeah, I said it. I'm 26 and the cooking skills are wiggedy-wack. I have no shame. Why do I want to learn how to cook? Because I love to eat! I have this mind thing that if I don't eat 2-3 times a day, I will wither away. I can't shake that either. Either I have super-high metabolism or I'm crazy as hell. Take your pick.


Another reason is, and call it old fashioned traditional if you want, but a man would like for a women to know a lil something about cooking. If I offend some of you feminists---sorry! Yes, it's probably true that my wonderful husband-to-be will love me even if I can't burn in the kitchen. But damn that! We gotta eat! Somebody gotta know their way around the kitchen. It would be great if it were both, but just in case I don't hook G. Garvin, I gotta do what I gotta do. Seeing as how I don't have a man (or a shell of a man), it's me, myself and I. I'm on a spending plan and eating out and buying frivilous stuff at the grocery store will not cut it. I'm too lazy these days to cook everyday, but when I want something--whatever it may be, I should be able to make it.

So, I signed up for the newsletter to get recipies every month. And as long as I have a phone, I have Mama, so I should be pretty okay.

Homemaker, I have never been. I'm about to reinvent myself. Starting.....next week?

Uhhh...I'll let you know how that turns out. Hey, if it helps, I made sushi last weekend. lol. I'm posting the pics later.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

These Last 45 Minutes

Forty-five more minutes and I'm out this piece. I got stuff to do. Too much actually, to say I forgot I have somewhere to be at 7 p.m. Often times, I hope my co-worker whom I share an office with (it's pretty big) doesn't see me dancing in my chair. I can't help it if music is playing. Like now, I'm listening to "My Station" on Yahoo Launch and Juvenile's Set It Off is on and I am buckin'. Deeprooted Confusion, if you're reading this, insert your "Southern Lady is ghetto" joke here. lol. But you know how I feel about my Juvie.

How can I stop at Target and Macy's and my grandmother's before 7 p.m.? I think it's damn near impossible. I should be redoing my curriculum for work. These days I'm focused on information on retirement, IRAs and investments. Oooh, Faith's "Soon As I Get Home" just came on. This entire CD rocks. I remember my mama fussed me out because I cut the fool when she didn't stop me by Blockbuster Music to get this CD late Saturday night. Damn, memories...

Anyway, some people are just weird, ya know. Just when you think you have a handle on their personality and how they work, BAM, something totally different. Sometimes I think that about my supervisor. Recently, I get the idea that she doesn't even have faith that our program is worth running. I'm thinking, if that's the case, why did you hire me if you didn't see it as being long-term? Even though we have our glitches, I have to remember that this is a new program and it takes time. I happen to think that we're making great progress considering that it's only been six months. Give us a damn break, lady! A simple conversation about how to improve the classes turned into a discouragement fest. Yet, it was still helpful. Like, whose side on you on? Anyway, I had to get that out. Let be known that if I was fired today, I would not have a plan. I have no immediate desire to get back into PR, although I could and would have to.

I got some thinking to do. I have faith and a good track record that says that this job will last, but I still need an alternative plan. A people without vision will perish.

Peace out, homies!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Week Recap and Real Men

So it's been a minute. I have not been into the blogging thing lately. Instead, I've been "lurking" on other people's blogs. Found some good ones, too. Everyday it's been a different issue:job stuff, family stuff, church stuff, apartment stuff---you name it, I thought about it last week. But I did have a wonderful weekend to wind down.

Friday-Drinks at Swig's Martini Bar with friends from SU, followed by sweating my face off at the free-Friday night-spot. Why must we do alllllll of the line dances in a row. Four Corners, Chinese Checkers, MS Mudslide and the Cupid Shuffle. My legs were about to straight give out on me. Then they have nerve to do a reggae set after that. Keep the party going, I guess.

Saturday-I contacted a wonderful and talented sushi chef for an interview and she offered to show me and a friend how to make it. Marisa Baggett, a Mississippi native and Memphis resident is the first African American female to receive certification as a professional sushi chef at the California Sushi Academy. She was so sweet and a great teacher, too. My linesister and I made rolls on our own. Even the inside-out rolls, where the rice is on the outside. They were delicious!! It just hit me that I'd finally eaten sushi with raw fish. Eel to be exact. We tore it up! Marisa has her own catering/sushi business. It's so great to see Black women doing their thing. Check out her blog here.

Sunday-Cookout at my LS's house. I said I was only staying for a few hours because I had a class today (which I realized is tomorrow, not today-damn!). Yeah right! I left at midnight. Grilled everything, daiquiris, two Patron shots and a Smirnoff. And I don't even have a hangover. My tolerance is higher than I think.

Usually, I would say that a good meal and drinks is what's to be excited about, but I got something to top that. Two of my LS's hometown friends (guys) did everything. We didn't have to do a thing, but sip wine and play cards. They brought the food, grilled it, made sure we were "straight" at all times, made the salads, the schish-kabobs (sp?), cut the ham, diced the eggs and crutons for the salad. Laid it out. Real men. Working men. This one guy knows how to do everything---no lie. He even caught a flying bug with his bare hands. And he has a landscaping biz and works 9-5 in construction.

We named him All-American, our hero. After all he did, we fixed his plate. Should we act out DC's Cater 2 U video, wash your feet, what? It's the least we can do. We need some real country, not-afraid-to-get-dirty men. The other guys there were glued to the TV, hollering "Lebron so cold, mane!" and even asking us to "bring them a beer." Whatever dude. Do I look like Florence from the Jeffersons? How about you come over here and plant some trees for shade. All-American can do it.

All in all, it was fun. Played some Taboo, met some new people, which is always good and maybe in a couple of weeks, the cookout will be at my house.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Some Things on My Mind

Good Morn-ting!

I'm tired. Why, you ask? I've been up since 4 a.m. because my neighbors above me obviously have the Fan from Hell. That fan or whatever it was kept me up all night. I guess my ears are sensitive because I couldn't tune it out. I turned the TV on, the radio on, the air conditioner on. Nothing worked. PURE TORTURE!!!

Not to mention when they're not blasting music out the frame for an hour straight, sounds like somebody is getting the brakes beat off them on a nightly basis. So now I have to go and "introduce myself." What do I say, "Shut the F' up. I can't sleep!"?

Tony Thompson of Hi-Five is dead from a drug overdose. See the story at Clutch. I was a Hi-Five fanatic. That Can't Wait Another Minute Live---classic. Even his solo album was good. He was always so cute with those dimples. And he was only 31.

What is the big deal about Paris Hilton going to jail? What's the big deal about her existence? All the commotion about her at the MTV Movie Awards...whatever. All she does is take up much needed space and oxygen. She is a hazard to herself and possibly the entire universe! Kick rocks, Paris. I hope you and Big Bertha have a long-lasting relationship in the slammer.

Arissa from the Real World Las Vegas Reunited still has issues. Alton is a liar (maybe) and lame. What else? I'm so excited about this season. I think Urilan and Arissa should duke it out. That's wrong, but why not? Get it off your chest, mane.

I saw the promo for Nip Tuck yesterday!!! No, I didn't see what would happen this season, but it doesn't matter. Nip Tuck is a highlight of my television life. They moved to Hollywood, so you know it's going to be ridiculous. But how much more ridiculous could it get than it already was? Those writers and producers are sick...

We, as African Americans, are as a whole really messed up. It really upsets me. I was reading a post at Young Black Professionals and had some thoughts. We're for others and not for ourselves. We value the wrong things, mainly material possessions. Our youth (really all youth) are taught that being on the block is better than being educated, sex and fast money is the way to go. We value the opinions and validation of other races over our own.

Or could it be that the negative images and perceptions of us are highlighted in the media moreso than the positive images? I wasn't even born then, but it seems that back in the 1960s we were unified because all we had was us. So who's to blame for our destruction? Ourselves, history, white people or all of the above? I'm not sure we'll ever find the answer. But I know things have to get better. They can't get worse.