Quarterlife Mocha Girl

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I'm It (and so are you!)!!!

I've been had. Magnolia Diva has tagged me. This is my first tag that I've done, so here goes nothin'...

Here are the rules:
A)Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves.
B)Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game.
C)You need to tag 7 others and list their names on your blog.
D)You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they I have been tagged and to read your blog.

1. I used to be obsessed with elephants and Ancient Egypt as a child (no, not because I wanted to be a Delta). And not regular elephants, but the throwbacks in the Ice Age--mammoths!

2. I still have and watch from time to time probably 50 VCR tapes full of videos, old sitcoms and movies that I recorded way back when VCRs were the new hotness.

3. I never met my half-brother, who visited my house periodically and lived the same city, until I was 18 years old a SU vs. JSU football game. His frat brother/my suitemate's brother introduced us. (Weird as hell!) Now people think we grew up in the same house.

4. I was ALWAYS the tallest girl in class (and still am!).

5. I sometimes obsess over my weight. Most people want to lose weight. I want to gain. I'm getting over that.

6. I am terrified of rollercoasters that go upside down (childhood scare).

7. I took swimming lessons and still can't swim!! (Damn shame!)

So there you have it. Not too interesting, I guess, but they are facts. Now I tag Deeprootedconfusion, Black Beauty, Brandi, B, BGI, Dede and JCroft. I added another: B-More Bap Life.

You're it!!

Ennegram Personality Test

Do you think it's true that we create our own images and perceptions of ourselves in our heads, when in fact, we may be perceived as the very opposite to others? I found this over at TDJ's site. According to Ennegram (a person), there are nine personality types and the way we see ourselves is not necessarily the way others see us. I'm glad I found this site. I'm not saying it's golden, but lately, I've been looking inward to find the flaws and work on improving them. Unfortunately, I think some of the personal flaws we have are just innate in us and won't ever go away. But I do believe there's always room for improvement. I was labeled a Type 5, The Romantic, followed by Type 5, The Thinker. I highlighted the ones in red that I think are pretty true. I don't know about this. I had a lot of N/A answers to questions I couldn't decide on.

The Romantic (the Four)
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.
How to Get Along with Me
• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! (Hint: I know I'm sensitive already! lol)

What I Like About Being a Four
my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four
• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
feeling guilty when I disappoint people
feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
expecting too much from myself and life
• fearing being abandoned
obsessing over resentments
longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often
have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
are very sensitive
• feel that they don't fit in
• believe they are missing something that other people have
attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
• become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
• feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents
• help their children become who they really are
• support their children's creativity and originality
• are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
• are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
• are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

My comments: Okay, this may sound typical, but there are a few things that I just don't agree with. Reading it, it sounds like a person who fits all of these descriptions needs to go lay on the couch (Dr. Phil's couch!-no offense to other 4's, I'm in it, too). I'll have to ask someone else who really knows me.

The Observer (the Five)
Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me
Be independent, not clingy.
• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
don't come on like a bulldozer.
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five
• standing back and viewing life objectively
coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
not being caught up in material possessions and status
• being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five
• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally (doesn't that sound like being a hater?)

Fives as Children Often
spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
have a few special friends rather than many
are very bright and curious and do well in school
• have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
• watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
• feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Fives as Parents
• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

I think I'm a mix. Find out your personality here.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


Part two of the Dude Diet (The part you really want to read)by author of Take Her Man, Grace Octavia.
"See what ya'll need to know is that men are predators!" That's what a handsome, intelligent, and happily married business man said to me over a beer just two days ago at Memorial Weekend barbeque. The topic of discussion was last week's blog topic, "THE DUDE DIET." Believe it or not, I was surrounded by men—Two happily married, and two single, ALL OF WHICH HAD A LOT TO SAY about our topic.

The major point that they all made was what I knew already to be true from my male friends—men hate games, men love women, men love easy women, men let easy women, men are willing to chase any woman IF HE FEELS SHE'S WORTH HAVING. Now, I know many of these ideas will need clarification—I can already feel you sister girls out there squealing at the words, "easy," and "worth having." If you are anything like most independent women, you're like WTF? Let me clarify before we move forward with the diet—easy does not mean sexually—to quote one of the single brothers who was explaining that he laughs when he gets meals for having done nothing, cards in the mail to say "hello" for no apparent reason and gifts that will not be reciprocated: "IT'S TOO EASY. We like it, but it's too easy." Therefore, "easy" means the easy passage of unwarranted affection and/or attention. Further. "worth it" does not mean that the man is there measuring you with some kind of stick—because we all know sisters have it GOING on! Rather, they explained that it means that they are actually truly interested in YOU the same way you are interested in them. The girl flipping burgers at Wendy's can be worth it if he WANTS her. But if he doesn't then nothing she will do can change how and in what manner he chooses not to pursue her. FURTHER—NOW LADIES LISTEN HERE!!!!—in comparison, EVEN if she is a CEO of a fortune 500 company and has a mansion and a Benz, SHE MAY NOT BE worth it to Cable man if HE IS NOT INTO HER! So, let go of that, "I'm so complete... I'm more "worth it" than the next woman mentality. And know that it is not about material goods or looks. Being worth it is about the connection you two make. If it is there, he will come sniffing…if not, you may find yourself with few returned calls and then stood up.

This is about understanding yourself and others. Considering your communication skills and how they might be hindering you from finding true love and/or realizing your dreams. It's all in good fun and PLEASE don't take any of this as "WORD." I am no master and I am SINGLE. I just happen to observe and love talking to and keeping company with men in order to better understand our relationships. So, alas, I am not only the "president," I am also a "client." HAVE FUN, LADIES AND BROTHERS.


Introduction: If you are reading this, you are a lover. You love deeply and seek a lover that is deep and present. You believe in love and pray it will conquer all. But you realize that there is a problem—it seems that you are not always coming out of the relationships you enter, receiving the return of love you provide. You show up—he's late. You call—he doesn't return your call. You buy a gift—he opens it and says, "Thanks… You want cheese on the burger? Can we go dutch?" You are tired of this uneven response and have often wondered—AM I giving too much of myself in LOVE? Could I get more if I give less? Sadly, honey, only you the men you date and the sister you know who probably already tell you to pull back a bit, can answer the first question.

Perhaps it always STARTS that way. He answers your "I just woke up" and "I'm going to bed" calls…he meets your mama during week 4…but then he just disappears into thin air and you're like WTF? If you want relief and to try something new to perhaps get a different result, try some of the tips below and see if perhaps you can get more LOVE by giving less. Remember that this diet is not quantitative; it is qualitative. Moreover, it's not about how many times you call, it's about how you call, why, and the response you get.

6 Steps Lose the Baggage and Get the Love You Deserve

1. TAKE CARE OF YOU: 8 Steps to a Healthier You, And a Healthier Dating Life

The DUDE DIET is modeled after the Weight Watcher's, so I had to begin with the STEPS TO HEALTHIER living, which every WW's girl lives by. The goal of these steps is to make sure that while you are dating, dating is NOT ALL you are doing. Don't PUT all of your stock into getting a man and getting married and getting a house, and then a baby then a dog. There is more to life, sisters, and believe it or not, taking care of yourself will make you dating life much more interesting and fulfilling. You will be more attractive and you won't be sitting by the phone or ALWAYS available, because you will be BUSY. Get out there, girl!


A Healthy Mind: Always work on developing your mind. Take a class, teach a class, read a book and try something new. Never be content with knowing only what's in front of you.

A Healthy Body: If you are calling someone as soon as you wake up, you probably aren't putting on your jogging shoes and heading to the park. Keep your body in check, so your mind will be sound. Working out will keep you busy and focused. Eating right helps your skin and thought process.

A Healthy Soul: Pray about it! When was the last time you took time to pray? Build upon your foundation, and surely nothing and no one can take you down.

A Healthy Relationship with Friends and Family: If you can only seem to dial one number—his—when you pick up your phone, you are probably neglecting someone. Maintain ties with your family and friends. They were there before and they will be there afterwards.

A Healthy Relationship with Your Children: PUT THEM first. If your date doesn't know how to deal with them, don't deal with him. Take your children to the park and to the library. AVOID ignoring them to chat on the phone with anyone. Their time is their time. Make if count.

A Healthy Bank Account: Tithe to the church and tithe to your bank account. Building a healthy financial future means you will not need to depend on anyone. Better yet, if they are doing the same, you two will be twice as wealthy.

A Healthy Future:
PLAN for tomorrow while you are living today. Always be able to answer the question: Where will I be in five years.

A Healthy Home: Nothing attracts filth like filth. Keep your hope clean and you will feel more excited about the prospects of the day.

**Altogether, what we can call these eight steps is "having a life." Focus on your life and then you can never go wrong. Any man will notice this and say, "Damn, girl, you have it going on!" Let's hope he does too! But that's for you to decide.

2. TAKE NOTICE OF THE SITUATION: Why is we seldom opt to lose weight until the issue is staring us dead in the face—like at the Doctor's office when your pressure was up? It seem was didn't notice that the clothes were getting smaller and the meals bigger. There were signs along the way, but we ignored them. Needing a dude diet is similar to the needing a regular diet. We either ignore or are in denial about the issue altogether. We say, "That's just how I am… People need to accept me… I love hard…" but as the age-old saying goes, "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get when you already got!" Again, this may not be you, but maybe it is and you just can't see it. You haven't taken notice of the situation at hand. You learned in high school that is not a good idea to tell every girl on the cheerleading team your secrets, yet you tell every man your business by the third date. You realized that you can't call people's house after 10pm when you were 12, but you still keep calling men at 1am talking about, "I just want to say goodnight, baby." POINT BLANK: You're doing too much. Take notice. HE WILL LIKE IT in the beginning. Men love attention and good stories. He will seem spellbound and even return your late night calls, but it will get played out quick and you will be left wondering where the love went. If this you? Take notice of it and decide if you need to correct some of your communicative behaviors—as you did when you were young. Remember step one of healthy living--- A Healthy Mind never stops learning.

3. TAKE NOTICE OF HIM: There are two things you must decide about EVERY man you allow into your life—1. If he's worth your time of day. 2. If he's giving you the time of day. On the first point, STOP making exceptions and excuses for people you don't really like. That doesn't mean you can't love that convict. You could. But don't if you can't and don't try to change him. Stop acting as if you need someone to CHOOSE you and CHOOSE someone. Settling will only get you a settlement and we all know that's less than market value.

3.THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT—ask yourself if the person is truly into you, if you find you are into them. Now this is hard to do, but it simply takes honestly on your part—not his. Look into his eyes. Pay attention to how he is paying attention to you. Notice if he is opening up his world to you. If he is trying to impress and please you. If he watches you and anticipates your needs. See if he allows you to take your time and is vocal about what he wants. THESE ARE THE signs of man in "like." If you like him, this is good. Be sure to meet him reasonably where he is at—men like approval, but don't give the whole kit and caboodle, just because he is expressing that he likes what's in the window. Let him stand there for a while and just WANT and just LIKE. They say they don't like it, but every woman knows that leaving a good date before he is ready to go, will ALWAYS get you a call the next day. He'll be panting, but don't roll out the red carpet you've got more thinking to do. DO YOU REALLY LIKE HIM? It's probably only date one or two. You don't know anything about him. SLOW DOWN.

4. TAKE YOUR TIME: This is where things get hard and confusing. Those who don't like "games" will say they don't wish to be modulated; those who love games will go to far and probably lose a good catch. I for one hate little games, but I have come to realize that in ALL OF THE following aspects of MY TIME—if I am not modulating myself, I am probably ignoring other aspects of my life and not taking care of me and thus…les interesting to both him and me.

Phone Calls—I may be a bad person to talk about this, because I am not a phone person, but I will say that MOST women have issues when it comes to calling. WOMEN call so much that men hardly have to do any calling and most of my girls admit that they DON'T even realize that a man ISN'T calling at all until they stop calling the man and hear nothing but silence. Practice recognition and diversity. In other words, recognize if you are calling too much and if no one is calling you and CALL other people if you REALLY want to call him. NOTE: Again, in the beginning he will call if he likes you, but if you return the favor in too much excess, it will get played out quick. Also be careful with the lengths of calls. Most of my male friends admit that they stop listening after a while. If you hear Playstation in the back ground, don't get upset. Men are visual.

Dates—Yes, I know you "loves Dante" and want to see him "erry night" but what about step one? POINT: Enjoy good dating, but know when they are lasting too long and when it's time to come up for air. Stop giving up all of your time as if there was nothing to you before he arrived. Your gym misses you. Your girls miss you. You haven't read Take Her Man! Do some me time and stop being available like a panting puppy every time he picks up the phone.

Information—On dates and over the phone, stop telling every man your entire life story. WAIT until he deserves to know about your abortion and your mama's jail time. Your plans for the future and that you hate garlic. Let him work for that piece of you. The overall point here is that your MUST stop giving yourself to everyone who seems willing to listen. Accept that everyone doesn't need to know your story. Keep it light and funny in the beginning. NOTE: Again, men like stories—trust me, I tell stories and I know. They won't stop you if you are telling to much. They will listen and listen and then think… "dang, what did I do to deserve knowing all of this about her?" as he walks to his car, a complete MYSTERY TO YOUR TALKING ASS!

Sex—Practice has taught me that, yes, you should ONLY DO IT WHEN YOU WANT TO. THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR KEEPING YOUR LEGS CLOSED! I am frugal and I hate wasting time and money. More importantly, I hate opening up my body to someone who may not BE HERE for the next episode. SMELL ME? I have found that waiting for sex yields even more interesting results than giving it away. Most times I discover by date three that I hate the man and am glad I didn't follow my human hormones or after dancing close in the club (you all know that trick) it would never work. Now you may decide this after date one or two. It's up to you. But soon you will grow tired of the shadows in between your sheets. They aren't all worth that side of you.

Finances—Read my older blog, "Should the man pay" to decide how you feel about this, but whether it is personal choice or not, know that you should not be coming out of your pocket to always treat anyone. This goes for those unwarranted gifts women like to buy and trips to the movies where you pay because "it was your idea." HEAR ME NOW: STOP MAKING DATES WHERE THERE IS NO DATE! You can't trick him into being your man by treating him to a bunch of freebies. No trick or treating allowed in love.

Personal Space—STOP inviting these men into your personal space. I am bad with this. I hardly ever have men over at all. I am a private person when it comes to people rolling around on my bed and sucking up my already bad air conditioning, so I prefer to visit them. This is because like my body, my place is a sacred. It is a gift to have me open up my home and allow you in. I need to know first that I like you. HEAR ME NOW: if he is NOT inviting you to his place after date three, there is a problem. It may be big (his girl lives there), it may be small (he has no couch)…but there's something.

Further, it could be a sign that he's just not into you enough to bring you home. Like calling, don't always volunteer your house, when his is never volunteered. Also, watch out for the brothers who ONLY want to come over… NO NO NO! Never allow anyone into your home that you don't know. If he doesn't want to take you out, don't take him seriously. Further, where cars are concerned, treat it like money. Don't be the unpaid chauffer.

Letting Go When It's Gone—Honey, when you realize that it's over, let it go and move on. DON'T ask questions or try to figure it out. DON'T ACCEPT excuses for missed calls of dates. MEN will say anything not to hurt you and make you cry—especially nice men. IF they don't really like you, they may invent a problem and confusion. They may come up with lots of excuses. JUST MOVE ON! If you want to be friends, do it, but don't ask for more. AND DON'T SLEEP with him. HE WON'T STOP you and he won't change his mind. Simply, move on to what's in store for you around the corner…or at step 5!

5. TAKE THE LEAP: Love…sweet love. After dieting, you may find it. You might lose your baggage and get the love you deserve. If not, it's not love lost! Keep practicing in step one and something bigger will be in store.

--Grace Octavia is the author of Take Her Man: A Novel--IN STORES NOW!!


This is a repost from the Myspace blog of author, Soror Grace Octavia, author of Take Her Man (featured in Essence June 2007 issue). Excellent Read for ladies and men.

Recently, over a sinful dish of "scattered, covered and smothered" hash browns at Waffle House, I got caught up in a debate about dating with a close friend who was recently in "love" with a man she'd known for a few months--yet it went south. The major topic we argued about was just how much each person should be willing to give emotionally in a romantic relationship and when. She, a consummate optimist and romantic at heart, felt that you should feel free to emotionally love someone as soon as you feel it. You shouldn't "play games" and pretend you're not feeling what you're feeling. Be an adult; allow the person into your heart. Call him/her when you wish. See him/her everyday if you want to. In fact, you should see one another everyday. And if you don't want to date anyone else, don't do it. All this FROM DAY ONE!

FROM DAY ONE? We kept going back and forth across the table as she expressed her impassioned opinion and I kept asking, "FROM DAY ONE?" While I don't like playing games with people's emotions (it's been done to me and it sucks), and I am an adult, I think a bit of due-diligence is needed when one is deciding whether or not to involve herself in a romantic affair beyond casual dates. I have always felt that people allowed others into their lives without so much as a whim, when the entire universe teaches us that time is the only way to tell what tomorrow might bring. There's an age-old African proverb that says in order to know where you're going, you must know your past.

Moreover, there needs to be a track record, inventory, proof of provision in any situation before you can predict the rate of success or failure. Further, most "good jobs" place employees on probation for 30-90 days before they become full time employees, stores have a period of time when you can return something if it doesn't "work out," banks giving away loans require a detail of your financial history and they take lots of time to get back to approving or denying you, even a baby takes nine months before he or she meets the world. The world is about processing and taking time to make important decisions, so why do we run like track stars toward romantic relationships with people we hardly even know? Why do we open up so quickly, allowing Tom, Deshawn, and Hakeem inside the walls of our hearts without due diligence? Shoot, even a true diva knows that she must wear the fierce pair of stilettos she just bought around the house a few times before she wears them to the big ball--to avoid major foot pain. Like those shoes pinching your pinky toes, the man allowed into her heart too soon, could sting her to the core and leave her sitting alone at a table saying, "I can't walk."

I argued that we need to slow it down a bit in the romance department, perhaps employing a few of the techniques of the 30-90 day probation period before we fully and totally give away our hearts to someone. Then I begged at the question: Could giving a little bit less of yourself to the men in your life actually work not only to give you a better understanding of who he is before you commit, but also get you better results in the love department? This is because it seems that in all of this being "open"," not playing games", "being adult," and "feeling the emotions," many WOMEN ARE DRIVING MEN AWAY. They smother the brothers with sweetness in the sake of love, only to find that the man's fire has hampered long before they even hit the sheets. Could giving less get us more?

Few of my male friends argue against that summation. They say that (within reason and void of childish games--men hate games) a woman who is a challenge (confident, goal oriented, and NOT ALL ABOUT HIM) can usually win their hearts. HUM… I then came up with the "DUDE DIET," a theoretical period of probation similar to the 30-90 work probation period where love meets intelligence and PERHAPS skillful thought and contemplation could lead to better results in love and male company. Surely, matters of the heart seldom work within reason, but perhaps it is our lack of reason that leads to love bust-ups. YOU WEREN'T THINKING! In an effort to protect my emotions (you'd better believe brothers do this--it's nature), I've been subconsciously, and sometimes falsely, employing these tactics in many of the relationships in my life--sometimes leading to success and other times I was left in bed alone--but at least I was alone and not with someone who couldn't care less about the morning.

Good Girl Gone Bad

HA! You thought this was going to be a juicy post, huh? SIKE. My life is kinda boring these days. I'm on this music kick today. I'm in search of new music. As much as I love my Teedra, Ty and Floetry, it's time for something new. Quick!! This weekend I got lost in the worldwind of Myspace and Youtube for the sole purposes of finding new music even though my burner is acting up.

So dare I say, I will buy Rihanna's CD when it drops. That monotone "under my um-ba-rella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh" is unshakable. On Concrete Loop, I found one of her new singles, Rehab, written by JT and produced by Timbo. I likes! Here it is!

Marsha Ambrosious from Floetry is doing her own thing now.
Sterling Simms is going to have a good album.
Kevin Michael really reminds of Prince (that's a good thing!).
Keri Hilson is an unseen talent.

Check them out. Myspace is finally being used for good, not evil.

I HEART Music!

I don't have anything else to do, so here's my wishlist of people I would like to see LIVE:

Jill Scott (again!)
Erykah Badu (again!)
Floetry (again!)
Jazmine Sullivan
Teedra Moses
Frankie Beverly & Maze
Chrisette Michele (again!)
Knarls Barkley, well really Cee-lo (again!)
Jay (again!)
Tye Tribbett (didn't make it the concert last week obviously)

I know I'm missing somebody....

Friday, May 25, 2007

Angry Maaaannnnn!!!!!!

Okay, the subject is the Angry Black Man. This week, I watched The Real World: Denver Reunion, which was completely wack by the way. I watched it all because I wanted to see Tyrie (the black dude) or as I like to call him---Angry Maaannnn!! You gotta sing it, ya know?

I almost fell off the couch when he said he didn't want to be labeled as the "Angry Black Man" of the show. Too late, bruh, it's already done. From Day 1, you have been the fool. Good guy, but damn funny. He STAYED going off. Let alone letting it rip in front of his own house. Doesn't he remind you of a young Teddy Pendergrass?

Anyway, speaking of angry Black men, I have been DYING LAUGHING over this blog. I know I'm late finding it, but I'm so glad I did. Thoughts of An Angry Black Man. PLEASE, read it! He is saying everything I'm thinking on a daily basis. LMAO!!

And speaking of angry Black men...............

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Getting Over the Hump

Hey People,

Nothing special going on here. It's Wednesday. What else do you want? I just posted for the first time on the Young Black Professionals Guide titled "Putting Off Procrastination." Note the article is based on personal experience.

Thanks Kimberly Michelle!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

New Honey Post: Money in the Bank

Hey ya! I'm trying to save, save, save lately. I have goals and of course, I wrote them down--in the Honey Blog. Check it out.

Read it. Comment on it.


Friday, May 18, 2007

Will We Ever Be Accepted?

Don't let the title fool you. Acceptance isn't really the issue, as human rights is. I really thought the previous post would be my last for a minute, but just like B singing Jill Scott songs, when I see complete and utter tomfoolery, I must blog about it. Read this ridiculous mess here at Crunk and Disorderly. I love this site, btw. She is a nut!!!

First our hair is too long with dreads and locks, now it's too short???

Remember That Guy I Was Telling You About?

So, it just hit me that I never blogged about that "friend" who I was so elated to be talking to again. (Quarterlife Mocha Girl: This Ish Is for the Birds)

I did it. I got lost in the feeling again. He called and as hard as I tried, I fell right back into it. Liking him. Even though I never verbally told him, he said he knew. He probably could "hear" me smiling and blushing over the phone like I was 13. Even my friends said they could see through me even over the phone. We hung out. I discovered things about him that I didn't know. We had been friends--not the I talk to you everyday kind--but nevertheless, friends. It hit me that since he is a "nomad" (didn't like that about him), I always had to know where he was. I atleast needed to know that he was okay. I really cared about him.

Everything was the same. He still made me laugh. He still expressed his interest in me. Oddly enough, he had always felt that way. I, on the other hand, had reservations for a few reasons. Maybe that was me running away from a relationship. Who knows? For a month, I received texts, phone calls everyday at 11 or 12 p.m. because he knew I was at lunch. He was being consistent because he knew that I labeled him as consistently inconsistent. Good looking out.

Then we hit a brick wall. I wasn't conforming to what he wanted as quickly as he'd like. And yes, I'm very nonchalant and sometimes it's hard to figure me out. (I'm working on that). But sometimes I just won't bend. Even for him. Our conversations became strained and just weirdly disgusting. So a few days, a week went by. No contact. Even when I initiated contact, it was still weird. It bothered me terribly, but I let it go.

I'd gone out one night and got a text from him when I got home saying he was there, also. Oh? We don't speak these days? He called me and we talked. Blah, blah, blah. I wasn't amused at all.

April 9, the day before my wonderful birthday, I get a call from another area code, specifically the area code in which I bought my phone. I still don't have a Memphis number (I'm working on that!). It was like 6 a.m. I dismissed it because I get wrong numbers all the time. Driving to work around 11:30 a.m., I get another call. I answer and surprise, surprise:

Me: Hello

Girl: May I speak to Southern Lady?

Me: This is she.

Girl: You don't know me, but.. (yes, she hit me with the Boom, boom pat like Laurie Ann!)

(I'm just knowing it's a friend of my closest male friend getting things twisted, so I get ready to give my "It's not even like that" speech.)

Girl: I'm ____, Nomad's girlfriend (I'm thinking, WTF? I think I went blank for a second) I wanted to know the nature of your relationship with him since he was calling you at 3 a.m.

Me: We're just friends, nothing major. Blah, Blah, blah.

Yeah, I saved his ass. I could've told her all kinds of ish. But I didn't. Why? I don't know. Still in a state of shock. I just wanted to get off the phone. So what, am I 18 years old now? That's some ish I should have experienced in college. I was HOT!! But like Oran "Juice" Jones, I chilled. Kept it moving. No bullshit on my birthday.

I promptly called him the next day and he knew nothing of it. Talking like it was all good. When I set that a$$ out, as my mama would say, you could have sold him for a nickel. He was SPEECHLESS. For the first time, in a long time.

I was hurt. I thought we were better than that. Him trying to play me like a random chick was not hot. If he's been a random guy I'd just met, I would have blown it off. So not major. But it was him and I held him to a higher standard. Silly me. He owned up to it. Apologized for days on end. I told him I was not pleased and extremely disappointed. And I thought he was different. Woo woo woo.

A few weeks later, he called again with another apology and explanations about the girlfriend. Whatev. I forgave, but I didn't forget. We're still friends, but we are not back on the level that we'd been, even before we tried to take there. The conversation is wack as ever and I guess, deep down, I'm still kinda upset about it. I do, though, consider that a blessing in disguise.

These are the days of my life.

Random Ish

I finally found a place that specializes in ballet and dance and it's an African American company. Just what I was looking for.

I'm seriously thinking about getting a gun and signing up for classes at the range. In my mind, I'm singing "Get Da Gat." Folks from the N.O. and the Boot know what I'm talking about! lol

I need tint for my car asap. You can see all up and through that peice.

A friend of mine has a neverending joke that I'm ghetto. Whatever. I gave her plenty of ammunition last night. Since the new reggae spot was EMPTY, we went to a club downtown that happened to have College Night. Kill yoself, right? Nothing but half dressed 19 year-olds in that peice looking a mess. I wanted to take my belt off. On the good side, it was only $5, I got a free mixed tequila drink and I could go off to all the hood rap songs that I love with no shame.

Tatt, tatt, tatted up!! That's my song for the summer. And I don't even have a tattoe!!

If you looked at me you probably wouldn't think I know every word to every Young Jeezy song on his first album. Thug Motivation=Priceless.

The DJ played ATLiens last night and I think we were the only two who knew it. Them youngins don't know nothing about that Kast!

Today, I have absoutely NOTHING to do. Is that necessarily a good thing?

I think I'll catch up on some reading then. Love and Lies by Kimberly Lawson Roby.

If you have not read The Vow or Cosmopolitan Girls, I suggest you do so. Great stories!

I will see Tye Tribbett and G.A. perform on Sunday by any means necessary. It starts at 5 p.m., I'll be there at 4 p.m. Big chillin.

They must sing the following:
Who Else But God
No Other Choice
Hallelujah to Your Name
Bless the Lord

I don't think the Hot Pocket I brought from home and a cup of water is going to suffice for lunch today. I want REAL FOOD!

Seasons Change

This week has been really weird for me. Not the week's events, but the way I've been feeling. For one, last Friday, my Daddy called the ambulance because he felt sick. Last year he had a mild heart attack and every since then, naturally, he has been scared to death of having a "real" heart attack. I'm not sure he has come to terms with having heart problems even a whole year later.

He stayed overnight at the hospital and they ran tests and more tests. Everything was A-OK. He's still feeling sick and they don't know the reason why. Earlier in the week, he made a comment about going to the doctor and them telling him he was going to "be gone." I asked him what he meant and he said gone as in deceased. That hurt my heart for two reasons.

One, I hate for him to feel defeated and talk like that. I, however, don't know what it feels like to question everyday if a heart attack is coming my way whenever I begin to feel bad. Two, it just hurts to see my Daddy in such a vunerable, weak state. When I moved out the other week, he wanted to help me so bad. But he couldn't. He is extremely emotional, but of course, he never shows me. It's just a change. He was always on the go, doing this and that. There's where I get it from. Things are different now.

I'm okay with it now though. I just continue to pray for him everyday and show him that I love him. That's all I can do.

The second thing is me and the other half of the parental unit don't have much to talk about these days. It feels weird, but I really don't have anything to talk about. Nothing new or exciting. I'm kinda just being. We went out to dinner last night and it was cool. She talked. I listened. I thnk it's the period talking, instead of me. Clearly, I can be fool. I know this, so that situation is temporary. But I still had to get that out.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

This Might Be a Long One

What's up? It's been a minute, I guess. First, isn't she the cutest lil thing, even though she's upset? Anyway.

The saying goes, "Think, so you are" or something like that. Yesterday I learned the power of the mind is a fool. I had another money management class at company that we were contracting with. Over time, the classes have gotten better and better. Increased attendance, good feedback about the class (and yours truly), just good stuff. Due to some major company/media issues, the company backed out of the contract, making yesterday the last hurrah. There was talk of negotiating to keep the contract, provided that we show them the evaluation results---good results.

So there I went, being crazy as hell and putting extra pressure on myself to do extrememely well. As if I don't do that already. Normally about 30 people sign up. This time about 53 people signed up. I expected atleast half to show up and I was right.

All day before the class (6-9 p.m.), I was in a bad mood. Not wanting to do the class for fear that I would bomb. Is that crazy or what?? But that's me and I don't know how to not be that way. On the way to the site, I listened to my Tye Tribbett CD, let all bad feelings go and said a prayer.

The class, in my opinion, was not hot. At all. I was talking my life away and I lost myself. What the hell was I saying? Was it making sense? Have you ever went off on a tangent talking and at the end it's all a blur? You can't remember a thing you just said?

On top of that, there were some "bad apples" in the class who talked and laughed the whole time. If you don't want to be here, why not leave? I'm sure there are many other things you could be doing. Like playing in traffic.

Anyway, I went in with the wrong frame of mind and attitude and that's what happened. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as I think. The evaluations are halfway decent, actually. I've got to do better with this thinking. I'm usually a positive person. Is that what The Secret is about?

Here's my horoscope for today:

Aries (3/21-4/19)
Today, don't worry about having unrealistic expectations. Let yourself dream big!

Something good did come out of that class. A participant asked me would I consider doing a workshop for her church. Of course, I would! I've been thinking about starting my own business on the side doing either workshops or writing, or both. Maybe this is a start. We'll see.

This is where this whole Quarterlife Crisis thing comes in. Read Deeprootedconfusion's post here. I really needed it today.

Friday, May 11, 2007

New Honey Post Up

Today is a long day. I got the heavy stuff off my chest (for now). So I have a new post up at Honey. I'd like to say a special hello to Makeup Girl and E. Yes sir, I have been lurking and not commenting. Sorry. I'm adding yet another link to the roll. The Young, Black Professionals Guide. There's some great information on that site for us.

Happy Friday!

Heavy Stuff

So here's the hard part. All week, I have been going to work, going home, getting used to all the weird noises around the apartment, sleeping, the usual. I never really wanted to 100% focus on the major events that occurred earlier in the week.

My best friend from home is pregnant with her second child. Though unexpected, she, her boyfriend and son were ready to move on and build their family. Monday, right before I was leaving out to go to the grocery store, she called crying hysterically. After a routine visit, they found that the baby was not growing properly. In other words, she was having a miscarriage. I immediately went over there. The BF had been crying, she was drained and I didn't know what to say. There is absolutely no way I can understand the pain she is in. I just laid in the bed with her and prayed for her and her family.

Throughout the week she seemed to be fine, joking and saying she was okay, but I knew that wasn't true. She's not the most emotional person, so it could be harder to show those emotions than to keep them bottled up inside. She has so many questions about her relationship and how to explain things to her son. Just about why it happened to her.

I explained to her, in my heart, I know that God will bless them with a child on His time. I'm not sure if that really meant anything to her at the time. Life is so crazy. We want someone to tell us right now that our problems will be solved in an instant. Tell us that our situation will be reversed to what it was supposed to be. It's just human nature, I guess.

Today she is going in to have the procedure done. I have been praying for her all day--all week. If you are willing, say one for her, too.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

You Have Got to Be Freaking Kidding Me!!

Okay, I wasn't going to post again today (since I won't have internet at the house until the 15th!!), but this is ridiculous. Bey, you know I love you. I plan on making it to the concert in July, but you have GOT TO STOP NOW! I know you love you some Sean Carter. He has you open like a 7-11, singing love songs and ish---no, other people's love songs. But my dear, you have crossed the line. It has gotten personal. You will NEVER EVER do a Jill Scott song!

Yeah, I said it. Beyonce Knowles sang He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat) at a concert in Sidney, Australia. Thought you could get away with it across the waters, did you? Please, click here to see this foolery!

Bey, don't do it ever again, okay? You are talented, no doubt. But Jill is....just Jill. You could never feel the emotion, exude the feeling that she does. Tsk, tsk, tsk. This is how it's done....

Did you hear that? See that face? Ummph, I could shed tears. I don't even know Lyzel. Wish I did. lol

Club Chronicles, Pt. 2: Black People the Holiday Jackers

It wasn't really the club, but it may as well have been. Picture this: On the Border for Cinco de Mayo. A friend's mutual friend told her On the Border was having an outdoor party with drink specials and music. Drink specials. I'm all in. I remembered that On the Border at another location had a similar event last year, but it was over before we got there. This year, I'm all in. Bring on the margaritas and salsa music.


Let me tell you something about my African Americans. We will party for anything! Give us music and drinks and it's a done deal. I asked my friend if the DJ usually plays Latin music because I just knew they wouldn't play "urban music" at a Cinco de Mayo event. We pulled up. The parking lot was packed. I thought, "whoa, everybody is having a good time. Great." As I inch closer, I realize that the brown people I see aren't Latinos, it's the good Black folks. Cuttin up, do you hear me? There is no salsa/Latin music. No electric piano. No horns. All you could hear was Wipe Me Down by Foxx, Boosie and Webbie. What the hell?? I couldn't believe. Most important, there were no Latinos!! Not one, unless you count the server.

Finding a Latino out there was like playing Where's Waldo? I kept looking. We are all BROWN PEOPLE. But to no avail. I lost Where's Waldo that night. I mean, Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's holiday, right? We just came in and jacked their holiday right quick. Doggone shame. On top of that, the DJ is shouting out South Memphis, North Memphis and Scutterfield (only locals would know). They are tootsie rollin' on the deck to I'm a Flirt. Again, I ask, "What the hell?"

We were seated finally only to find out that the "drink specials" were margaritas in little plastic cups for $4. Then you had to get the regular margarita flavor. No mangos or strawberry ritas. It was so packed, they ran out of glasses and served drinks in styrofoam cups. If it's not glass, it's coming with me!
Say it ain't so. That was the most bizarre scenario I have ever been in.

Our server was a cute young thang who was "straight Memphis" to say the least. Slang galore. My friend suggested that he was really Latino, just raised around Black people. I said, nah, I doubt. Later on, he sat next to us and was talking on his cell phone. He turned into Cheech and Chong immediately. WTH? He flipped the phone down and went right back to talking to us in slang mode. Cute and billingual. Spanish, English and Ebonics.

Cinco de Mayo will never be the same.

My God, the Dead Has Arisen

Hey ya'll! I'm back finally. It's been crazy lately. I'm moved into my apartment, the bulk of my classes are over for a minute, I'm through with the community college, I met my deadlines for my articles ---I'm FREE. Well, kind of. You know I can't sit still for too long. Anyway, I haven't been posting, but I have been visiting my folks around the blogsphere. I'v added a new blog to my links, The Saga of My Mind's Eye. Also, Deeprooted Confusion. Hey girls!!

I'm supposed to be grading papers and averaging evaluations, but I think I'll chill for a minute.


Wednesday, May 02, 2007


Missing in Action. That's what I have been and will continue to be atleast until next week. Don't ask.

The May issue of Clutch Magazine is out at www.clutchmagazine.com. Great issue, btw. Read "The Big Payback." You know why!

Your girl is also on Vibevixen.com. I wrote a short article titled, "Glamorous."

Go figure. LOL. Ignore the link errors. It would be my story that has technical probs, right? Anyway, I'm thankful that I can be included in such wonderful publications. In the words of my linesister and Chicagoan, Nina, "What that Jesus do???"