Random Ish

Just some random thought from today (and now).

I think I just realized at 4:57 p.m. today that my pants were high-water. WTF??? Did they shrink over the course of the day? I was hella perturbed because I had to run to the mall. I know what I say when I see women with high waters on. It ain't good either. Pair that up with a chick who's 5'10 like myself and it only makes the situtation worse. I'm thinking to myself, "Now she know damn well they had them pants in Talls!" Oh well, the day is over, so that's that.

Also, tight-ass socks can probably cut your air supply off from your ankle to your brain. No wonder I was feeling light-headed all day.

My supervisor's breath was untameable today aka THAT FOOL!! Was it the coffee he drinks 24/7 or what? I felt like he'd unleashed the damn dragon on me during our "morning chat."

Why do people and say things that they good and well, they don't really mean??

I so glad I had the chance to live in Louisiana! I'll tell about it later.

Why in the hell is a college basketball game on, instead of America's Next Top Model? I need my fix, even though everyone on there, even Tyra work my nerves.

I'm addicted to YBF and Concrete Loop. Respectively.

Getting Over the Hump

It's Hump Day. Also known as Wednesday. The day that you say, "if I can make it past this day, I'll be alright." Don't laugh because I thought as a preteen that Hump Day was the day to have sex. Not the only day, just a CERTIFIED one.

My boss is gone and I'm wondering just how in the hell does he get to say, "I'm gone" and throw up the deuces just like that. Let my ass try that. I won't make it two tile blocks down the hallway. Anyway, today has been a day of nothingness, yet accomplishment. I finished the primary stages of a project aka the Neverending Quarterly Newsletter, when I didn't think I could make the deadline. Kudos to me. My eyes feel like they need to be pulled out and put on ice to chill. I want to close them so bad and this time it's not because I'm sleepy as hell. Imagine that.

My linesister and I were talking on IM (another productivity-decreasing hobby of mine)today about how fly Mary J. Blige is. She always has been in my book. I wanted to be her on that Real Love video. I even bought a jersey and black baseball cap! At the tender age of 12 I was singing about Sweet Thing and Love No Limit. That was my jam! All of Mary's music, for that matter. Remember this???


Mary J. Blige feat. Lil' Kim-I Can Love You

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Uh huh, I heard you rappin' Lil Kim's part...all that to say, I searched for her stylist and came up with ole' Misa Hylton Brim, you know Diddy's first Baby Mama, Justin's Mama. She's only 29!! What the heezie??? That means she was like 18,19 when she was partying it up in the hot tub with Puffy on the "Big Poppa" video. Damn, she was living the life. And still banking $5,500 a month for young Jus even today. And just when you think she hit the jackpot, Kim Porter gets ready to push out two more Combs chil'ren. No wedding ring in sight or in mind. I guess she says who needs marriage when I got child support.

That was mean, huh?

Pet Peeves: Conversation Butt-Inners

Damn, damn, damn, that gets on my nerves!!! If Person A asks Person B a question, why does Person Z have to come all the way from Southside Argentina to answer the question--before Person B even has a chance to take a breath, much less answer it??

I'm just sayin'

I gotta run errands after work, which is not hot because at 5 p.m. it looks like 11 p.m. That means my ass needs to be in the house. Sure is taking a long time for 5 to come. It's only 4:35. That's a loooooong time when you're ready to go. I probably shouldn't be writing this. I see how bloggers have lost their jobs. Freak it, this is the only thing that will keep me from growing wings and flying out of here before quitting time.

Unwrapping the Gifts/NipTuck Tuesdays

Eventually I'm going to tell people about this blog. I have damn near 25 posts.

For now, I'm watching my favorite show, Nip/Tuck. I love, absolutley LOVE Christian. I am severely aggravated by Sean. He's so pitiful!! Sanaa. Do ya thing, girlie!


*************************************************************************************
Sean: You nasty sum-ma-BITCH!! (referring to getting blown by a little person dressed as a Christmas elf)

Guess who's a daddy? CHRISTIAN!!! The adorable Black baby who Christian once tried to adopt as his own is back. My, has he grown! Such a cutie. I'm looking for a picture right now

Singing in the Comeback Choir

For those of you who are avid readers of African American fiction, like I used to be (I'm a slacker), you may have already heard that wonderful author and writer Bebe Moore Campbell succumbed to Cancer yesterday. I saw this on AOL BlackVoices late last night. I couldn't believe it. She is the author of many books, including Brothers & Sisters (that's the one I read!) and her latest, 72 Hour Hold, a story of a mother copy with an autistic child. She also wrote several articles for Essence. Campbell was diagnosed with brain cancer earlier this year.


I looked her up and was surprised to find out that Maia Campbell, actress from In the House sitcom and lately, a video model, is her daughter. I can't imagine what it must feel like to know that my mother is gone at the prime of my life. I also found a personal statement from her website, www.bebemoorecampbell.com. Look there for a full list of her literary works.

My sincere prayers go out to her family, close friends and readers. She has begun singing in the comback choir.

It Never Fails

I had to do a quick write-up. Today's my best friend's birthday, so a couple of friends and I took her out to a new spot/event happening in the city on Monday nights. Very nice. For the grown and sexy. Conversation and Cocktails is what it's a called. A place to mingle and engage in conversation with others (preferably of the opposite sex) and get your grown man/woman on, basically.

After perusing the wine and quiche menu over candlelight, a friend leans in and inquires why we're sitting between a two tables full of women, rather than having "conversation" with the several eligible men in the venue. Go figure, right? Leave it up to us to stick with each other, instead of venturing out and seeing what's up with the what's up! And this my friends, is how things never get accomplished.

Time after time, women, me and my friends included, get dressed up, go out, sip wine and yet stay with our "packs" the entire night. Not a soul approaches us and we won't dare make the first move either. Maybe one woman out of the clique is approached (you know it's a different woman every outing), but it's never anything major. In the end, you either remain sitting at the table you sat at when you first arrived hours ago, you hug the bar or dance in a semi circle with your girlfriends like it's an 8th grade dance. How sad, how true.

There's always one who says, to compensate for no action, that she's just out to have fun and not worried about a man approaching her. That's bullshit! Take it from one who knows. Even if the man is the lowest of the low and we reject him onsite, we'll take it. Every woman wants to have some attention. But it ain't happening these days. I went out of town this weekend and a guy bought me drinks and I thought he was speaking Chinese. And you know I took him up on that offer. Since I moved home, these things that I'd become accustomed to just don't happen....shit, EVER.

Anyway, I hope things get better. It's a two-way street. When we learn to get up from "the table," maybe they'll meet us at the bar, or atleast on the dancefloor.

Stuntin Like My Daddy? Um, No

I'm watching Baby and Lil Wayne's video, "Stuntin' Like My Daddy" and is it me or is Baby just the most wretched thing you have ever seen?? Next time they decide to show him getting a tattoo which causes him to make even more uglier faces than he already does, tell me so I can blindfold myself. I mean, dammmn! Lil Wayne ain't too far, but I love him anyway. He's the shit...but that Baby. Whoa.



Aside from all that, it's still one of my favorites. I got a lil ghetto in me. Who would have thought? lol

What I'm Thankful For (Four Days Later)

So I was too damn lazy to blog on Thanksgiving, so here it is. My ode to Thanksgiving.

If the Pilgrims and Indians hadn't met and exchanged pumkins and gin (or whatever they did), would you still set aside a day to give thanks? Maybe, maybe not huh? Often times we are trained to do certain things. Somebody decided that the last Thursday in November would be the day to get together and eat a dead (but delicious, especially if it's fried!) bird and say thanks. And boom, there you have it. We're giving thanks.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Thanksgiving. It's a much needed holiday. We have to remember to give thanks everyday, not just on that day. It's wonderful that homeless people are served dinners and donations at nonprofit organizations increase significantly during the holidays, but what about the other 364 days of the year? Since I work in the nonprofit/social services sector, I see people's desire to help go from level 10 to 1 as soon as December 26 rolls around.

If you're not going to see that need is year round, are you atleast thinking about what you're thankful to have and NOT to have daily? We, including myself, take so many things for granted. Here's my list:

Salvation
Fully functioning five senses (even though I have rock the specs sometimes)
A mother and father
Family (some people have no one)
Closeknit REAL friends (quality over quantity, baby!)
Good health
Awesome relationship with God
Church home
A place to sleep every night
My job (even though I complain often)
Stable childhood
Education

So that's it. In no particular order, I guess. Let's keep salvation at the top. I got so many inspirational text messages on Thanksgiving that I had to get this off my chest. I thank God for everything I have and even the things that I want, but don't have.

What are you thankful for?

Let Me Upgrade Ya!

I just got an upgrade on my blogs! It's supposed to be Beta Blogger now. So now I have a new look. You like??? Speaking of upgrades--there are some things I need to know. Beyonce talks about getting with this guy and "upgrading" him. Changing the clothes, even the swagger a bit, to fit her standards. Yeah, it's done everyday, but you know I got a problem with that, with my spoiled ass!

Why do we have to have guys that need upgrading and vice versa? Yeah, men upgrade women too! Why can't our love-to-be's come pre-made and ready-to-order? Nobody's perfect, BUT don't you ever see those shows like The Wedding Story and Bridezilla (Don't act like I'm the only pansy watching these shows) and they say, "I found the man/woman of my dreams. I couldn't ask for anything more." Is that true or is that made for TV? Was it really some upgrading going on behind the scenes?

My question is this: Is there any one couple who didn't have to upgrade their mates? After thinking long and hard. Well, not that long. I think the answer is HELL NO. Who said upgrades were only physical or appearance related? Aside from hooking your man up with hot, grown and sexy clothing and introducing him to a barber who actually knows to how do a line, he may need an attitude upgrade. A confidence upgrade. A spiritual upgrade. Everyone could stand a little improvement, I don't care who you are.

I guess you can't get around it. One way or another, you're either upgrader or the upgradee. lol Our time is coming...

Push It to the Limit

Here's something you may not know. I'm looking a job. Like foreal....foreal foreal as my co-worker says. I probably should have written this blog before the previous one, but that's just evidence of how my mind works backwards.

Anyway, I need a job, man. It's not like I don't have one. I'm so thankful for it, though I might not act like it. But it's time to move and have things and that requires money. Money that I don't have right now. I purchased a car recently. (Give it up for ya girl, no co-signers or nothing!) With that note, I'm guaranteed to be stuck with the parents until my car is paid for or until I get a better-paying job. Or whichever comes first.

I'm not looking for another gig to escape the parental unit. They're okay. But it's time to be on my own again. There are things that I do that I want to continue to do, things that I would like to do and dammit I deserve to live comfortably. It can and will be done!

So I'm on the grind. I'm on Careerbuilder and Monster so much, I should invest in stock! I'm applying to atleast 3-5 jobs a day. I wonder what happens when you apply for jobs on the Internet. Do the emails get stuck in Cyberspace and never make to the human resources director? I think that's what happens to mine, cuz I'm getting no response. It's all good though. Good things come to those who wait. Well, that's what they say. I'll keep trying. I have no choice.

I'll let cha know how things pan out.

Finding My Purpose

On this journey of finding a job and what I really want to do, there is one thing that needs to be done. I need to find my purpose in life. I was talking to a entreprenuer at work the other day who owns a dance ministry company for children and teens. I was absolutely amazed by the program and how it has changed the lives of children in a positive way, all the while, ministering the Word of God to the public.

I wasn't sure if our conversation was appropriate for the work setting, but that's one of the places we need God the most. Regarding the Black church (yes, he was a Black man), he said that the church is to us now what it was hundreds of years ago. A place of refuge from the slavemasters and a place to praise God in our own way. That is tier one of Christianity. Giving God his props, if you wil in everything that you do and in all areas of your life. Worship sums it up. He said where we fall short is not practicing outreach. Giving back to those in need what God has graciously given us. By keeping those talents and blessings to ourselves, we are only fulfilling only half of our deal as Christians.

So I thought it was ironic because I had volunteered to stuff holiday baskets for the less fortunate families at church. That was my first step in helping. I can admit that it's a shame that I work at a non-profit organization where I see the extreme need for so many basic things that I take for granted everyday. Instead of helping and grasping the mission of my job, I jet out of here at 5 p.m. exactly.

My goal is to really give back to others. That conversation sparked something in me. It was more of a wake-up call. Yeah, I do things at my church with the youth and I get a great sense of fulfillment from that. I still need to do more. On the days when I'm sitting around watching TV, on Myspace or sauntering through the malls, I could be doing something else positive.

So with that in mind, I'm searching to find a purpose in my life. And I know it's not guaranteed that I'll find it right now. It takes time. I just have to keep looking.

Is All the Drama Necessary? Is it really?

I work in a small office. So small, you can hear everyone's conservation. You can even hear them breathe if you tried hard enough. Why is it that in a small office with less than 15 employees, there's always an issue? An issue about what somebody is or isn't doing? Why doesn't he/she like me?

Thank God, I was not involved (I never am!). The question is this: If someone doesn't care for you in the workplace, why is that a problem? If he/she does not affect your productivity, your environment and most importantly, your paycheck---who cares? That's life, deal with it. I'm tired of hearing about all the drama and what he said, she said, they did. Life isn't always going to go your way and people won't always be pegged into the small spots you've arranged for them.

GET OVER IT!

Haaa (exhales slowly) That feels much better.

That Was SO Uncalled For!

It's been a while, but I'm back. A lot has been going on, but one thing in particular is crossing the airwaves lately. Michael Richards aka Kramer from Seinfeld went off, spatting "racial slurs" at Black men during a stand-up routine the Laugh Factory in California.

Saying that "fifty years ago, you'd be hanging upside down with a fork up your ass," is hardly a racial slur. It's utter, blatant disrespect and disregard for me and my people. A day later he's on the Letterman Show "apologizing" and saying he's not a racist. Excuse my French, but that's BULLSHIT if I ever heard some! There's no need to apologize for what you really feel. Apologies are for mistakes. This was not one. He MEANT that. What's in the dark will come to light eventually and the spotlight was on full blast at the Laugh Factory that night.

Supposedly his career is ruined, but I'm sure he'll have some followers still. Those who are happy to know that he feels the same way they do. There were some who left the show and others who remained glued to their seats. Was it to see how far things were going to escalate or was it pure entertainment for them?

Such a shame that no more than a week, actually the same week of the groundbreaking for Dr. Martin Luther King's memorial on Washington, this could happen. Things do, indeed, change, but somehow they stay the same. Anyway, good riddins' to Kramer. I didn't watch Seinfeld anyway!

On A Cold Day

It's November, so it's cold outside if you didn't know already. Cold weather can bring on a load of emotions, some good, some bad. It's nice to be able to turn to that special someone as the temperature steadily drops at night.

But if you're like me, that special someone isn't acting as you wish, that someone isn't that special to you or that someone is NO ONE. Non-existent as I like to call him. In my case, I turn to some good feel-good MUSIC. There aren't many things I can do without music. It's so relaxing and there's music fit for every mood
imaginable.

On a cold day, riding through the city or sitting around the house, I listen to the following:

Teedra Moses
A New Orleans native, Teedra Moses release her first CD, Complex Simplicity in 2004. I heard You'll Never Find with Jadakiss and instantly downloaded onto my computer. Be Your Girl followed with a video and I fell in love with it. I'll be honest and say I didn't even think of purchasing the CD. Later in 2004 a friend gave me a copy and I still listen to it everyday! She is SO underrated!! I can listen to her from beginning to end. Complex Simplicity kinda describs me, actually. It's like she read my mind when she recorded it. And the best part about it is she writes her own songs. You may have also heard her on Raphael Saadiq's latest album. They have a hot callabo, by the way. If you don't already have Complex Simplicity, you're trippin. Like foreal foreal. Her new album, The Young Lioness will drop in Febuary. Check Teedra out on Myspace at www.myspace.com/teedramoses

These are other underrated artists and songs that you may have forgotten about (in no particular order):

Divine-Lately
Whatever happened to those girls? They also did a cover of George Michael's Teacher that was really good, too.




Laurenea-Can't Let Go
Okay, I just found out she's from Atlanta (Thanks Google!). Back in 1997, she released this song and I admit, it's depressing as hell, but the remix was hot!

Debra Killings-Take Our Time
This song was on TLC's 1994 CrazySexyCool album. Some might have thought she was Chilli, but no doubt it was Debra. She sang background for just about every artist out of the ATL in that era. Killings is now a contemporary gospel artist with the current single, "Message in the Music." Check her out at www.debrakillings.com.
Note: Don't think I'm a heathen because I listed Take Our Time, instead of the gospel track.

Trina Broussard-Inside My Love
Trina from H-Town was signed to So So Def eons ago and released this cover of Minnie Ripperton's steamy track on the Love Jones sountrack. Don't you just love that movie? I remember a video for another track way back, but I haven't heard anything else. Atleast not on the radio. But she is busy at work, according to the Myspizzle. See: http://www.myspace.com/trinabroussardmusic




Profyle-Whispers in the Dark
All the way from Shreveport, Louisiana, Profyle produced some hits for ya. This is my favorite song from their first CD, named the same in 1999. I've seen them perform and they're really good. Another song that's hot is their cover of Stevie Wonder's Overjoyed. Mary J's was pretty hot, too. Can't go wrong with Stevie, I guess.

Outkast-Funky Ride
How is it that I had Southernplayalistic...for years before I ever heard Funky Ride? The bass-thumpin track introduced the world to Sleepy Brown, though we'd never see him until like three, four years later. This was really his song, just on Kast's album.

I'll be updating this regularly

Getting Back to My Life

The weekend is over finally and I got my life back. After a very large event, I went to church, went car shopping, out to eat at a restaurant with terrible service and cold homestyle mash potatoes and immediately crashed for 13 hours straight. Man, was I tired. I needed that rest and I'm not finished either!

Yesterday I officially started the act of S.Y.A.D. and it was great! Now I'm able to do whatever I want to do that does not require a substantial amount of physical energy. Shopping around for a car doesn't count either. That's something that I absolutely HAVE to do. I got a pleasant surprise this morning on the way to work when the battery light popped on 3 minutes away from my job. I prayed all the way to work. That was the longest three minutes of my life. Just as the steering wheel was about to lock up, I screeched into my parking spot. Prayer works!

Another day in the life...

Grow Up!..........Make Me!

Today is Friday and the weekend awaits. Believe it or not, I'm kind of sad. Melancholy maybe. Sometimes life has a way of happening for you, meaning the things that you try to prolong will happen anyway.

I was just informed by the homies at Firestone that my car's engine has "It's a Wrap" posted all over it. My car, a 1994 Toyota Corolla, affectionately called Sadie's days are numbered on the road. I knew I had to buy a new car soon, but I just wasn't ready. I'm just now catching on to this savings thing people are always talking about, so...Instead of waiting until whenever, because who knows how long I would put off the purchase, I'm now forced to make it, enough money or not. Quick, yet good decisions have to be made. I figure this is a way of making me grow and get out there and just do, rather than just think about it.

I'm quite sad that I will no longer ride in Sadie in a few days or weeks. She was with me on the drives back and forth to school, late night visits to the club. You know, memories. I didn't think I could be attached to a car, but I guess I was fooled.

So the next few days, I'll be car shopping. Atleast I know what I want. Nothing too flashy, yet stylish. Something fit for a DIVA.

Sweet Sadie, don't you know we love you Sweet Sadie! Well, well, well!

Ciao'

Whose Life Is It Anyway?

You've seen Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? on the Style Network right? Don't act like you don't watch it! There's the married couple to be and the wedding coordinator. The wedding coordinator has a LOT to do in trying to create "nuptial nirvana, " according to Style. Now whose wedding is it? The couple or the coordinator? I was just thinking today about how that correlates to me. In a non-nuptial way, of course.

Welcome to Whose Life Is Its Anyway? It really hit hard today that my life is not my own. Lately, I've been pushing aside and even sitting on this urge I have to venture out on my own and make a career change. I want to work for myself, instead of...THE MAN. Lately, I've involved myself in others' projects as way to "break into" into this industry of PR/Ent./Fashion. It's been great, but it hit, that I'm so busy helping others' make their dreams reality, I'm doing nothing to make my own a reality. I wonder if that's because I'm such a committed person. Once I start something, I finish it, even if it damn near kills me. Or could it be that I'm afraid of doing my own thing, so I "help out" with others'?

That's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. Since I'm in this Quarterlife phase, I guess this is the time when I'm supposed to be all torn up over what turns my life should be taken. BUT I refuse, to let it be an excuse for remaining in a state of confusion, sitting on my ass doing nothing, asking 'why me?'

This woman wants to find her purpose in life. I have decided after this weekend I will officially begin practicing the art of "sitting my ass down" (see Some People Just Aggravate...). I can't focus on what I want to do and how I want to do it because I'm always doing too damn much. Though I think it's hereditary, I have to learn to live for myself and not other people. I'm doing a poor job at it now, but I'm willing to make progress.

What's your true mission in life? Have you thought about it? Written it out? Write your own mission here: www.franklincovey.com/fc/library_and_resources/mission_statement_builder

I'll put mine up when I tweek it a little. It's time for some changes. I don't have to wait until January 1. It's time to start living for me!

Ciao'